Ankh Feminist

Kappa Sigma Email "Targets" Women

2011-03-11T10:33:00.000-08:00

Clearly, feminism is still needed in this world. No matter what one person tells me, I will always stand beside my feminist ideals and especially during times like these.

Recently, the USC Kappa Sigma fraternity sent out an e-mail explaining how to target women as sexual conquests. Women in this context aren't real humans. If you think I'm joking or going overboard, read the e-mail that was sent out. The fraternity brother has been quoted as saying, “Note: I will refer to females as "targets". They aren't actual people like us men. Consequently, giving them a certain name or distinction is pointless.” He doesn't even give her vagina any credit (even though that's the only part these fraternity brothers should care about, right?). He calls it a “pie”. Something to be eaten, to be bought, to have brought to you, to be served to.

The woman clearly has no agency and has no part that is even remotely female (not even her title). She is placed in a ranking system by comparison to celebrities who are airbrushed. If a brother gets even close to this he “should be lynched”. Lynching is something that is racially charged and was a tactic used to scare other African Americans in the deep south from pursuing any avenue that deals with getting ahead in life. It was used by white supremacists. This shouldn't be something taken lightly or joked about.

Cheating seems to be something that is taken lightly with these men. What if someone they deeply cared about (say a 7 or better known as “wife material”) cheated on them? Oh but they're men … they can take it like they dish it out, right?

Another thing not to joke about is rape. Rape is such an emotionally charged word and one that can affect not just women in particular, but also men.

“Non-consent and rape are two different things. There is a fine line, so make sure not to cross it.” Let's get one thing clear; not receiving consent for a sexual act one is about to commit is rape. Don't think that just because she's too drunk, too drugged out, or is too scared to actually say no means that the person can move forward without asking for consent. Consent needs to be coherent and it needs to be sober.

The descriptions of the “pies” here are not only racist, but also very creepy. If someone were to describe me (and particularly my vagina) by a type of pastry, I would be very freaked out. I don't want anyone eating my vagina like a piece of desert. It doesn't taste like pie so don't treat it like that. Treat it like you're supposed to – with respect.

This idiot also thought that it was smart to tell his fraternity brothers to not “fuck middle-eastern targets. Exhibit some patriotism and have some pride. You want your cock smelling like falafel? Filth.” I keep thinking we're past this specific racist ideology, but I guess not. Racism like this leaves a gross taste in my mouth. I have no other words other than that … they can speak for themselves.

Luckily the authorities at USC have described this as “repulsive”, “ridiculous”, and “insulting”. These words can't even begin depict my facial expression while reading this e-mail.

It sucks that all that I know about fraternities is negative press. They really need to get back to their foundations and start regulating those who are ruining the image of fraternities and the Greek system in general.

Take Back the Night; Spring 2011

2011-02-28T17:39:00.000-08:00

AS Women’s Center

BMU 002

Chico, CA 95928

TAKE BACK THE NIGHT

Raising Awareness about Sexual Assault and Violence against Women

CHICO, CA-

Take Back the Night is an opportunity for students and community members to come together and recognize the ongoing issue of rape culture and violence

against women.

This is a night to acknowledge and empower survivors of sexual assault, a night to empower and educate friends, family and supporters, a night to reclaim our right to feel safe and secure after dusk. Join us to TAKE BACK THE NIGHT!

Monday, March 7th

10:00-2:00pm

Free Speech Area, Informational Tabling

Tuesday, March 8th

10:00-2:00 pm

Free Speech Area, Informational Tabling

7:30 pm

BMU 210, Women Only Survivor Speak Out: A place for women to speak out about their experiences in a safe and supportive setting. Women are encouraged to share personal stories, or express their experiences through conversation, poems, journal entries, etc.

BMU 304, Gender Inclusive Workshop: An interactive workshop focused on combating rape culture in our community and society. The discussion will include ideas about how individuals can aid in eradicating the perpetuation of violence against women.

8:30 pm

Common Grounds, Keynote Address by Professor Kate Transchel, History Department

9:00 pm

Free Speech Area, Silent Candle-lit March: A silent march to raise awareness about sexual assault and violence against women.

For further information, contact:

Jillian Ruddell, Director of the AS Women’s Center

(P) 530-898-5724

Email:ASWOMENSCENTERSD@CSUCHICO.EDU

NPR and the Laura Logan Comment Controversy

2011-02-16T13:58:00.000-08:00

I’m sure most of you have heard about the Egyptian riots, President Mubarak stepping down, and the jubilation that came afterward. At this point, it’s old news, but what’s been in the headlines recently is the CBS reporter for 60 Minutes, Lara Logan who was attacked and sexually assaulted when she was reporting on the excitement in Tarhir Square.

On NPR.org, they posted a short article about the incident and provided the formal statement that CBS gave all of their reporters and fellow news outlets:

"On Friday February 11, the day Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak stepped down, CBS Correspondent Lara Logan was covering the jubilation in Tahrir Square for a 60 Minutes story when she and her team and their security were surrounded by a dangerous element amidst the celebration. It was a mob of more than 200 people whipped into a frenzy.

"In the crush of the mob, she was separated from her crew. She was surrounded and suffered a brutal and sustained sexual assault and beating before being saved by a group of women and an estimated 20 Egyptian soldiers. She reconnected with the CBS team, returned to her hotel and returned to the United States on the first flight the next morning. She is currently in the hospital recovering.

"There will be no further comment from CBS News and Correspondent Logan and her family respectfully request privacy at this time."

Short and to the point. More importantly, it states that she is safe and recovering in a hospital. That’s all that should have come from this article; a terrible, awful thing happened and now she has been returned to the states. She’s safe. Good.

Instead, on NPR, people posted dreadful comments that insinuated victim-blaming. How people can possibly blame Ms. Logan for what happened, I have no idea. She was doing her job, reporting on the chaos and exhilaration from the mob of people in the square. She was doing exactly what other reporters were doing that night.

Except for one thing: she’s a woman. So clearly she should be careful where she reports and be on guard at all times. She might be sexually assaulted if she’s not careful and on the look out. This is our community and society giving into rape culture yet again and accepting that women are prey and men are predators.

I personally applaud NPR for sending out a statement regarding such behavior, “Blaming the victim is an old, tired game. Please don't.” Thank you. Exactly.

Victim blaming is so old and juvenile so stop complaining about how NPR is impeding on your freedom of speech. NPR is a private company who has the right to remove and regulate comments on their website if they wish, especially if they are negative. They have policies that posters need to follow by.

So bravo NPR. You have my personal full support.

Rant of the Week: The Concept of Consent

2010-11-24T13:06:00.000-08:00

I’ve been lagging in my rants and I know it. I apologize. I blame school, being sick, and … school.

Recently, at CSU Chico, we had our annual Take Back the Night which is an event to raise awareness about sexual assault, domestic violence, and rape. Every year we have a few workshops – one that’s gender neutral and one that’s a women-only survivor speak out. Then we have a keynote speaker who usually gives an amazing speech (it never falters). Afterwards, we meet out in the free speech area, light candles, stand in a circle, grab some posters, and then we silently walk down the streets of Chico without breaking the line of people in order to protest these horrendous and horrific occurrences that happen every day, every hour, and every minute of our lives.

I’m still coming off of the high from the adrenaline rush I received from working this event. We had over 250 people in attendance and the survivor speak out was jam packed. There were women expressing themselves wall-to-wall in that room. I don’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing to be quite honest. Was it just because there were a lot of supporters of the survivors or are there more survivors this year? It’s a little bit unsettling to think about.

Now, at our Take Back the Night, we have a gender-neutral workshop that helps address the issue of bystander awareness. This is a seminar that was given by the fabulous David Hugens with the assistance of Jessica Arriaga, Kathy Eytchison, and Raina Hernandez. The workshop described the effects of rape culture, victim-blaming, and the just world hypothesis. The group explained the dire consequences of other schools and societal institutions that have been mentioned in the news such at the Yale fraternity incident (other rant on that, found here).

Just this morning, David sent me a link to this article written by a man named Edward Pasteck. He recently came back from France and found it fascinating how the men there can just do what they want without requiring any consent from women. However, I find this statement and idea rather contradictory; there has to be consent from the women otherwise the men wouldn’t have to try at all. Consent isn’t just vocalizing a yes or no answer, it’s also physicalized in body language.

I’ve never been to France, I have met very few French people in my life, but I can give a perspective on the whole American aspect he puts into this idea of “consent”. “One lesson from Paris is that sex shouldn't be an activity to which we need to consent if a decision will suffice.” As a woman who has lived in the liberal state of California all her life, I find it to be hugely empowering to be able to say no to a man without being pressured any further. I like a good make out session without sex. Cuddle me into oblivion, I’m all for it! But in my experience with men in

America

is that I have to tell them yes or no and usually it’s in a rather aggressive manner.

The difference between the French men described in this article and men here in the states is that the French no when to stop. They won’t continue. The women will turn away, say no, and expect to be left alone. Here, if I say, “No thanks. I’m not interested.” I’m labeled as a bitch or a lesbian or they keep trying to change my mind.

Pasteck moves on in the article describing a specific incident where he was completely infatuated about a French girl named Madeleine. “Lovesick and unsure of what to do, I complained about Madeleine to a female French friend who said to me, "Have you tried getting her drunk?" Obviously my friend's recommendation was based on the assumption that after getting drunk Madeleine would be easier to seduce. This idea of plying a woman with alcohol (something that is applauded by American men in private) often enrages American women because they view it as an assault on their right to consent. Is this really a good thing?”

Okay … Edward … alcohol is the number one drug used on women who are sexually assaulted. Alcohol can take away a person’s judgment. I don’t know how many women I have seen and heard stories from that they were very drunk (sometimes to the point of blacking out) where they were then taken advantage of. I always compare it to if you were to sign a document in front of someone, it wouldn’t be legal if you were blacked out drunk or under influence for that matter. So yes, it is a good thing that we have a standard to hold people to.

“Sometimes we act spontaneously and even surprise ourselves. Is there a greater expression of our autonomy than acting spontaneously?” I’m all for acting spontaneous, but I’d like to do it on my own accord. I want to feel comfortable with what I’m doing. The moment I don’t feel comfortable, I want to have the right to say no and stop. It’s called safety, which is a word that he doesn’t use once in his article. The concept of consent is based on the idea of safety and respect (another word he never uses).

“Thinking about sex as decision — and not an action requiring consent — may in this way be empowering. A decision is an action that can be neutral and value-independent in a way that offering consent simply cannot.” The fact that many, many women don’t have the power to make this “decision” to have sex is the sole reason why we have the concept of sex. There are two people making a decision by the way (I think he’s forgetting this). What if one person doesn’t want to go any further than oral sex and the other person wants intercourse? There needs to be a line drawn and that line is called consent.

Finally, his last statement, really gets to me: “I'm not suggesting that a woman have sex with someone she doesn't want to, but I'm hoping we can start having more guilt-free sex by any means necessary. If we turn the volume down on consent, perhaps we'll get closer to this kind of liberation.” If we’re going to start having more “guilt-free sex” then we need to start by making it okay for a woman to have consensual sex i.e. sex that she actually wants to have. I’d rather not “turn down the volume on consent” because then that’s just going to open a huge flood gate. Rape is a persistent issue in America. In 2008, it was reported that 90,000 women were raped in the United States. This isn’t an issue that’s going away any time so removing the concept of consent isn’t exactly the best idea. Without the definition of consent, what can rape victims say about their assailant? “He decided to have sex with me and I didn’t.”? So long as rape is rampant, consent will still be needed for both men and women.

Rant of the Week: Women Voting

2010-11-01T17:36:00.000-07:00

It sends a pain in my stomach when I hear women saying that they’re not going to vote tomorrow. Really? REALLY? Come on … r-really? Ugh. Okay. Time for a lesson in women’s suffrage movement.

Susan B Anthony (left) and Elizabeth Cady Stanton (right)

Ya’ll have heard about Susan B. Anthony, right? Good. She and this wonderful woman named Elizabeth Cady Stanton worked together to gain the right for women to vote. They were first working together to abolish slavery and then thought, “Hey women are oppressed too …” So Stanton decided to create a group called the National Women Suffrage Association. They created a whole new constitution for themselves which you can read about on Wikipedia if you so choose to. Then came the Declaration of Sentiments which is amazing and wonderful in itself. Due to WWI however, the suffrage movement was put on hold. But the women didn’t stop. State after state started to create laws that allowed women to vote. Soon enough this went to the federal government and it became law (hello nineteenth amendment).

Now, in text books, they’ll tell you about how women protested outside of the white house fence and rallied and created pamphlets and blah, blah, blah (hell, sometimes they don’t even go into that). But what they don’t tell you are the women who went to jail, who were protesting by not eating within those cell walls and were ultimately force fed food down their throats. They won’t tell you about women who died while still fighting for this right. So many women fought for my right to vote that I can’t possibly take it for granted. Ladies, we’ve only had the nineteenth amendment in affect for 80 years. That’s not that long…seriously.

Ever since women have been given the right to vote, they have been mainly leaning toward the democratic ticket until this year. This election is crucial not only because there are so many women running for public office, but also because some polls are predicting that women are looking to vote more for republicans than democrats. This is could be a prominent change in history if this ends up being the case. It would be the first time that women voted more republican than democrat since it was first measured by gender since 1982.

Look, I don’t care if you are a republican, a democrat, an independent, a tea partier, or a Stephen Colbert enthusiast; I just want you to vote if you are registered and over the age of 18. Please vote. It does matter. And especially if you’re a woman, it means a lot. Don’t take it for granted. We worked so hard for it. I know I didn’t go as in depth about the history of the suffrage movement as I should have, but really, who wants to sit around reading a history lesson? I don’t.

So I leave you with a funny photo from the Huffington Post where you can find more moderately useless signs from the Rally for Sanity and/or Fear. GO VOTE!!

Rant of the Week: Rape at Schools

2010-10-29T16:37:00.000-07:00

I hope you all have been keeping up with the news lately and seeing the disgraceful way schools have been treating sexual assault or the threat of sexual assault. I can’t even convey my anger about it (it would make this blog explode, I swear to you), but I can explain to you from a feminist perspective why this is wrong and perpetuating rape culture in our society.

First on the list: High School Cheerleader

A girl at a high school was sexually assaulted by a star athlete. She refused to cheer for him during a basketball and was ultimately kicked off the cheer squad. She said, “As a team, I cheered for them as a whole. When he stepped up to the free throw line, it didn't feel right for me to have to cheer for him after what he did to me.” When a woman (or a man … a person really) has been sexually assaulted, it can take an emotional, physical, and mental toll on them. Especially when that person has to go back to high school – a rather small, intimate setting if you think about it. She has to see him on a day to day basis and she’s even being harassed by other students in the cafeteria to which the administration responded by telling her to just stay out of the cafeteria. Obviously the school district doesn’t want to go through this whole legal debacle that has unraveled, but the young woman is going to keep fighting. "If everything works out the way that we're hoping … then it makes a point that it's not all right," she said. "And if we keep fighting for that, then maybe other people will too."

Second on the list: Yale Fraternity Delta Kappa Epsilon

A fraternity at Yale had their pledges go through the Old Yale Campus blindfolded (where most of the first year female student housing is) and they were told to chant, “No means yes! Yes means mean anal!” and “My name is Jack! I’m a necrophiliac! I fuck dead women!” They were promoting anal rape and having sex with dead women …. Now, this might be a little overzealous in deconstructing their statement, but if I were a freshman at Yale in those dorms I would be terrified. I would be thinking that they were going to come and kill me and then fuck my dead corpse.

The fraternity since then has apologized for what they have done, they have spoken to the campus Women’s Center and tried working with them. The Yale Daily News then came out talking about what was the right kind of feminism. First off, there is no such thing as the “right kind of feminism” (feminism is supposed to be all encompassing for men and women in order to better our world for gender equality for all). The news paper went on to say, “Feminists at Yale should remember that, on a campus as progressive as ours, most of their battles are already won: All of us agree on gender equality”. No. The battle hasn’t been won. If the battled had been won, then we wouldn’t need to address rape culture at an Ivy League College … a college that is supposed filled with the best and brightest.

Third on the list: Columbia…

An all-male a capella group called Kingsmen on campus posted images of a fellow member with the caption “rape me” underneath it. This was right after the Yale debacle. Wow. Stupid much? They even issued a statement saying it was “[an] utter lack of judgment and an embarrassingly complete sense of tunnel vision.” Which sounds exactly like what the fraternity said after their chant, “a serious lapse in judgment by the fraternity and in very poor taste.” Yeah, poor taste doesn’t even begin to describe how disturbing both of these events are. The word “rape” is being tossed around like a rag doll these days. When someone gets angry about the usage of such a strong, hurtful word, it’s totally justified.

What irritates me is that these schools (the high school not included) thought that by apologizing for this was the end all of the situation. Good for you. You found out you were wrong. Now do something about it. Take action. Go to Take Back the Night at a local campus. Speak out against sexist comments within your group/community. I hope that all of these organizations can learn something from this and understand that rape isn’t a joke. It’s an epidemic.

In light of the high school event, I’m really glad that this young woman is taking the initiative to fight against the status quo. She wants to let people know that this isn’t okay. It’s not. Rape culture is so engrained in us and these events just make it clear that our society doesn’t take rape as seriously as they should.

Rant of the Week: “Mancession”

2010-10-20T14:35:00.000-07:00

What the hell is this? I thought we had been in a recession … not a mancession. Since when were men scarce in our society? I live with two. I have a father, a few uncles, a bunch of friends and lovers who are men. I can’t see any recession of men on campus (in fact the frats are taking over with breast cancer awareness month). In magazines they – oh!! Oooooh! Wait…. That’s what this is about? It’s about the image of a man? Jesus … okay. Where do I begin?

So the huge surge of boy-men in magazines and high fashion advertisements seemed to have caused some fear. Fear of what? That “real” men are a dying breed? I’m not more attracted to you because you look like you could chop down an oak tree (and if you boast about that, I will probably turn away from you).

Because of the recession, men have lost their stereotypical gender role of being the bread winner and being “the man of the house” which in itself is an interesting phrase considering that women are usually the ones who run the home. That has always been their sphere to rule even though the man has been the one to provide for it. June Cleaver may have been spending her husband’s money, but she was the one feeding him, taking care of his offspring, and all with a smile on her face.

The recession has created this idea of what it means to be a man or to be a woman. Since women now are 51% of the workforce, there are more men who are considered stay-at-home-dads. Now, I would consider my father a stay-at-home-dad since he was the one usually doing the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, etc. My mom did of course contribute to these tasks, but from what I can recall as a small child, I identified her as the main money-maker. Without her around, we wouldn’t have lived in the condo that we did, or had food on our table, nor would I have been able to flourish as a young actor. She was the provider and for that, mom, I thank you. Because you are a working woman, you’ve shown me that gender roles don’t necessarily fit everyone (thank god).

Anyways, what I was trying to get at is that even though my dad was around more at home, he wasn’t an less of a man. Hell, I don’t even think my dad cares what defines him as a man, to be quite honest (he doesn’t really pay attention to this stuff…the man wears Hawaiian shirts for crying out loud). Even with the recession and his job of painting houses and fixing them up dwindling down, he hasn’t ever expressed to me that he feels less of a man (but maybe that’s his manly side hiding his emotions).

When reading the NYTimes article about this sudden splurge of manly-men in advertisements, on runways, and fashion spread, I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at the statement from Sam Shahid, creative director of Shahid & Company,"In tough times, people want a strong man.” This is the same man who helped create Calvin Klein advertisements that are degrading to women and create an infantilizing image that young women are supposed to strive for.

Which leads me to my next point: why isn’t there a fear of a womancession? Where’s the shock and horror at the fact that women are portrayed as objects or infantile children or as stupid, vapid, dumb creatures that need a man’s help? Hello? Why aren’t women looked at in this recession in a positive light? It’s a great thing that we’re moving up in the work world, right? Why must we immediately go to a negative of a man being less of a man?

Well, due to this huge uproar over men losing their masculinity in the job market, the fashion industry as decided to combat this is by changing the way men should look.

Cue the “Mad Men” theme music.

“What they want, in short, is Jon Hamm. That Mr. Hamm’s square-jawed Don Draper so persuasively resembles an archetypal father on a time-travel visa from an era of postwar expansion and fixed gender roles can hardly be incidental to the success of “Mad Men.””

Yes please. Let’s go back to the 1960s where gender-roles were still clearly defined, women were “lucky” to get sexually harassed at work, they hardly ever worked the same jobs as a man, and they instead were their assistants, waitresses, or wives and mothers to their children. Yeah, I’d love to see a man’s privilege sky-rocket and all that equal rights stuff just flutter out the window like a forgotten Calvin Klein receipt.

The fear of being less of a man because he doesn’t have job seems logical by sociological standard, but trivial at the same time. It’s been a huge staple in our idea of the “American Dream”, but as we can clearly see in history and in our world today, that dream changes with each generation.

Barbara Billingsley Has Died, but June Cleaver Lives On

2010-10-18T10:49:00.000-07:00

Barbara Billingsley as June Cleaver

Just this past weekend, Barbara Billingsley, who played the ever iconic June Cleaver on ‘Leave it to Beaver’, passed away in her Santa Monica home in California at the age of 94. The character she played as the perfect house wife, mother, and neighbor still lives on in our society. June Cleaver is still present in most of the sitcoms and television shows of today where the man does the work and the wife takes care of the children and household chores (Family Guy, The Simpsons, King of Queens, Everybody Loves Raymond, etc).

Modern Family

Now, there have been more recent television shows that depict a more present day image of what it means to be a family such as Parenthood, Modern Family, or The Secret Life of an American Teenager. These sitcoms are “groundbreaking” in the fact that they don’t show the heteronormative household where the father does the work, the mother does the cooking and cleaning, and the 2.5 children are going to school and learning valuable, moral lessons. Instead, the teenagers rebel in all sorts of ways from smoking pot to having a baby at age sixteen. There are a whole range of parents same-sex parents to a single mom/dad. And although most of these families still characterize a white suburban demographic, the media is trying to represent more multi-racial homes. This is a huge leap from the 1950s idea of what a real home should be.

‘Leave it to Beaver’ created a world of prescriptions for people and what they should be. White, suburban, religious, well-mannered, and perfect. Perfect. Now there’s a word that is completely unattainable in the real world. Because women were vying for perfection back in the fifties, they lost a little bit of themselves. Thus, Betty Freidan’s famous piece known as “The Problem That Has No Name” hits the world in 1963. June Cleaver can be perfectly described in the following paragraph:

“The suburban housewife—she was the dream image of the young American women and the envy, it was said, of women all over the world. The American housewife—freed by science and labor-saving appliances from the drudgery, the dangers of childbirth and the illnesses of her grandmother. She was healthy, beautiful, educated, concerned only about her husband, her children, her home. She had found true feminine fulfillment. As a housewife and mother, she was respected as a full and equal partner to man in his world. She was free to choose automobiles, clothes, appliances, supermarkets: she had everything that women ever dreamed of.”

However, there was a huge issue with trying to attain this image of being a perfect housewife; women were actually questioning their lives. There was an issue, a dilemma, a problem that women across the country couldn’t put their finger on. They were wondering what more they wanted from life. They weren’t satisfied with having one option of being a housewife and mother. Because of women like Betty Freidan, Simone de Beauvoir, Gloria Steinem, and Audre Lorde, women have had more of an option than just being a housewife. They can choose a path like Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Nancy Pelosi, Rachel Maddow, or Gail Collins (my go to for famous, strong women are usually involved in politics, so forgive me for not mentioning those who are apart of the art, science, literature or outdoor spheres).

There are still a lot of obstacles to combat in this world riddled in sexism, racism, and homophobia. Because of second-wave feminism pushing us forward, many people think that we have already reached equality when in reality, we haven’t. In the article, Women Losing Ground (which part of it can be summed up here), Ruth Conniff explains the atmosphere for women in the office.

“Women now grow up expecting to be full participants in society, with the same career expectations as men. But sexism persists, and society has not adjusted to the reality of two-career families. Women still take the brunt of domestic and childrearing duties, madly scrambling to balance their competing responsibilities. Our country still treats raising a family as a private matter, even if June Cleaver and the family wage are history. At beast, flex time, on-site child care, and family leave are seen as expensive perks, and employees who take advantage of them are often first to be downsized—with repercussions across society.”

So even though women have broken out of the kitchen and into the office, the work world still doesn’t seem ready to accommodate for women who want to have children or already have children. There’s clearly a lot of catching up to do in this country when it comes to equality; wage gap, sexism in the office, promotions, etc. We even have a wage gap bill (aka the Paycheck Fairness Act where you can find me ranting about here). This bill is in line at congress and has been put on the back burner because of the ever chaotic and overly hyped mid-term elections coming up. Even Don’t Ask Don’t Tell – which is a huge issue in today’s media – has been placed to the side. So you can see that social issues are being kicked off the front porch of congress when they are need now more than ever.

“The reality is that most families badly need women’s earnings to stay afloat. The answer is not to muse about how a few affluent women manage their careers and cultural expectations, but how we, as a society, make life workable for families under extreme economic, social, and emotional stress. Men, women, and children alike badly need a more modern approach to these problems. As the current recession hits home, it’s high time we did something about it.” (Conniff)

I appreciate all the work Barbara Billingsley did as an actor. Without her portrayal as June Cleaver, the idea of being a white, suburban housewife wouldn’t have been as accessible to the media. She made it iconic and thus, in some way, pushed feminism into a whole different stratosphere. Women started to question the idea of being more than just a housewife. They went out and got careers, tried to change the workforce to fit their lives, and yet society is being very resistant. Thus, we need to keep fighting, keep pushing forward, and keep cracking that damn glass ceiling in hopes that it’s going to shatter (this is the only time when I will condone breaking something on purpose).

Rant of the Week: Anti-Abortionists on Campus

2010-10-13T12:59:00.000-07:00

I don't have kids. I don't want kids (right now). If I didn't have the choice that I do now a days, I would probably have had about two or three rugrats running around below my feet. I wouldn't be in college necessarily, or even in Chico for that matter.

I'm fine if a person doesn't approve of abortion or doesn't think that they would ever want to have one -- but it's their choice. I don't know how much more I can stress that. We all have a choice to receive proper reproductive health care. I like that I have access to birth control, emergency contraception, and, if the case ever arises, an abortion. I would never want to get one, but the fact that I have access to receiving one if necessary makes me breathe a little easier at night. Countless women have fought and died for our choice to have access to such medical procedures and I will not take it for granted.

The group that came onto our campus, has a first amendment right to free speech. I understand that. What irks me is when it disrupts people's days completely and hinders their education. They had posted extremely tall, graphic photographs of what looked like bloody,mangled aborted fetuses. First off, a fetus does not have arms, legs, intestines, and/or eyes in the first few legal weeks when a woman can receive an abortion. Second, if a woman did receive an abortion via medical pills or through dilation and evacuation which is usually done through the second trimester, it wouldn't look like those images; it would look more like a blood clot. The photos were meant to rile up crowds, grab people's attention and receive notice.

Well they did.

To the point of a retaliation from the Women's Center by protesting peacefully in front of these gruesome images. I myself even wondered, "Was taking birth control correct? Was it alright that I've taken Plan B before?" Then I stopped myself, took a breather, and reminded myself that I am a feminist for a multitude of reasons and this is one of them: the freedom to choose what I want to do with my body. I want to succeed in life and not having a child right now is the only way that I see it for myself personally. I'd much rather have a child that is raised in a healthy, happy, ready family than one that was received unexpectedly where the parents may or may not be able to provide for them.

Everyone, every woman, has their own perspective on this topic and I completely respect each individual story, background, or opinion. Just please do not impede on my choice on this matter. It's hard enough as it is to make the decision -- but it will be mine when I choose to make it.

Rant of the Week: Women’s Sexuality

2010-10-05T14:56:00.000-07:00

There are multiple words for a woman who is sexually promiscuous. It’s just a fact. Even if you want to argue that a “prostitute” isn’t necessarily a woman, the history of the word comes from women selling their bodies for money. There is usually a feminine context to these words whether it’s an image in your mind or not.

Examples: Slut, skank, whore, wench, concubine, hooker, strumpet, harlot, courtesan, “fallen woman”, floozy, hussy, trollop, tramp, vamp, and the best one of all Jezebel.

A woman who is deemed as any of the terms that are noted above, is tainted, used, and not qualified to be with a man. And she wouldn’t even be allowed to have the option of being with a woman unless it was under the influence of alcohol at a huge party where a man can partake.

So, with that said, I hope you can glean from my writing so far that I hate this ideology. I hate that women can’t join in their own sexuality freely. Why do men get to have all the fun? Why are women the ones placed on this pedestal of virginity (rhetorical question by the way because the answer is clearly the worshiping of the Virgin Mary)?

Well, our sexuality, or lack there of, is being thrown for a loop again in advertising and articles this week. Axe – a wonderful feminist company *sarcasm* – has come out with an advertisement that says, “scrub away the skank”.

Again, this is a body wash that is highly heteronormative and is being targeted to men. Thus, one can take from the phrase, “scrub away the skank” as “scrub away the woman”. Plus, the ad shows a whole bunch of pictures of a man with a women throughout various events – all of which I assume they were under some sort of influence albeit drugs or alcohol. So because these two had sex, the man has to be the one to make himself clean and pure – the woman has no shot of a clean slate (pun totally intended).

Let’s move on to a rather close cousin of this advertisement; Diesel. This clothing company has been known for their shocking images that borderline the Dolce & Gabbanna ad that had rape overtones. Their current ad idea is “be stupid”. It goes on to show a lot of pictures of men and women doing really stupid things...

like a woman taking a picture of her vagina with a lion behind her ready to pounce.

Or a man running from the cops in a bunny suit.

Or a woman flashing a security camera her boobs.

Or a man riding a bike at full speed with a woman clutching onto him for dear life.

Or a woman shoving a wooden object down her pants surrounded by sharp objects and tools in a threatening manner.

The problem with all of these images is that the women have no agency, no power, and are only dominant when the man is of a minority. The men on their own, are usually doing something active and dangerous, but it wouldn’t put them in harm. The man in the bunny costume, will most like get caught by the police and take to jail. If the man on the bike needs to come to a sudden halt, he will be fine – the woman however will be tossed to her doom. The woman trying to masturbate with the wooden object is “wrong” in the sense that it’s extremely large – most likely too large for her. It will probably hurt her more than give her pleasure. And really … masturbating around a bunch of power tools and blades … I can’t even get into all of the underlying assumptions with that.

And then this week, the University of Minnesota put up an anti-drinking campaign that seems to be directed toward people who can legally drink and make their own decisions. It would be one thing if these ads were directed toward underage drinkers – and if it wasn’t so blatantly pushed upon women to watch out for their reputations being tarnished. There is one image of a man getting all touch-feely on a woman while considerably drunk. The message here shouldn’t be that touching someone while drunk isn’t alright, it should be that touching anyone without their consent is wrong!

*whew*

That’s my rant. Accept it, decline it. Love it, hate it. Debate it. But don’t “be stupid”.

LGBT Suicide Awareness

2010-10-01T15:22:00.000-07:00

There have been multiple suicides this week related to anti-gay slurs and harassment from fellow students who have no idea that their words can affect others so deeply. The fellow young people who have committed suicide based on these words are Asher Brown, Seth Walsh, Tyler Clementi, Billy Lucas, and Raymond Chase. Even Ellen Degeneres mentioned it on her show, speaking out to the people in the audience as well as out in the nation watching her television show. She even goes on to mention that “One is a tragedy, but five is an epidemic.” Truer words have never been spoken.

Tyler Clementi is – excuse me, was – a freshman student at Rutgers University. Two students secretly filmed him kissing another man and broadcasted it over the internet. The students have been arrested for “invasion of privacy”. On September 22, Clementi posted on his Facebook, “Jumping off the gw sorry”. He jumped off of the George Washington Bridge into the Hudson River to his death. Hours after he was found, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie responded, “As the father of a 17-year-old…I can't imagine what those parents are feeling today, I can't. You send your son to school to get an education with great hopes and aspirations, and I can't imagine what those parents are feeling today."

Clementi’s roommate Dhuran Ravi and a fellow freshman classmate Molly Wei were arrested. Ravi’s friend said that it was “a prank gone wrong”. He said, "If it had been a girl in the room it wouldn't have been any different." But it wasn’t a girl. It was a man. And the stigmas, bullying, and harassment that come with man-on-man action can and did scar a human being for life – up until the end.

Asher Brown was a 13-year-old eighth grader from Hamiltion Middle School just outside of Texas. He was teased and bullied by his fellow classmates for his religious beliefs, the clothes he wore, and for being gay. They mocked him in classes, making gay-sex gestures toward him. His parents contacted the school time and time again to address the bullying, but the school did nothing – for a year and a half. They stated that they received an e-mail from the parents, but that it was about home life, not about the school teasing and bullying.

After enduring this constant persecution, he shot himself in the head with his father’s 9mm gun. His body was discovered by his father and his mother was quoted as saying, "They called him different names for being homosexual," she says. "He just had enough."

Seth Walsh was also a 13-year-old boy who, after years of being teased for being gay, hung himself from a tree in his backyard. After being on life support for nine days, he died on September 28. The police interviewed many of the students who taunted him, but could not conclude that they were the cause of his death. Although there is an anti-bullying group on campus, there was no support for him. Luckily the community pulled together to help the grieving family. Bank of the Sierra has created an account for people to donate to them and in Bakersfield, Audrey’s Café has a box where people can leave letters of solace for the family.

Billy Lucas was a 15-year-old student from Greensburg, Indiana who committed suicide because of anti-gay bullying that, again, went unnoticed by administration. The school principle said that no one had been punished for teasing Lucas at all and went on to say, "Sometimes he created that atmosphere around him. Kind of like a little tornado because he went around doing things that made dust fly, I guess." This is just another example of victim blaming. Because of this incident, the school has already met to create a committee that would combat bullying that would include students and parents in a joint effort to diminish it.

Raymond Chase from Johnson and Wales is the most recent of these suicides. He is the second college LGBT related suicide and the fifth one that made national news in September. Chase hung himself in his college dorm. There was no definite reason for the suicide, but the fact that it follows the recent pattern of LGBT self-committed-deaths is cause for concern.

With the AS Women’s Center presentation of Queer Week coming upon us at CSU Chico, I find that it couldn’t have been more of a perfect time to raise awareness about LGBT issues. The language we use in our every day life can affect people in the biggest of ways and bullying especially can create a wave of despair across our country. Please be aware of your local LGBT community. Being an advocate doesn’t necessarily mean that you are walking in Pride Marches or standing on a soap box; just speaking out against unjust hatred helps.

My thoughts and love go out to the families and communities that have been affected and I hope that presenting this grave issue to you will help in some small way.

A Woman’s Work is Never Done

2010-09-28T12:31:00.000-07:00

You’ve all heard that saying. “A woman’s work is never done.” It’s true. My own job at a law office as a secretary is constant – thank god because it pays my bills. But that’s not the half of it. I also come home to dirty dishes, trash not taken out, the kitchen floor sticky and a mess, and food left out on the counters. Needless to say, after a long day of school, an internship, and a job, the last thing I want to do is start my “second shift” (I don’t even have children yet!). I’d like to be more specific in my terminology; I have “second roommate shift”. As tiresome as it is, I feel like it prepares me for the life I’m most likely going to have in the future. However, I’ll actually love my kids, rather than resent them like I have my fellow roommates.

Back to the topic of work. The wage gap has recently been in the news. A woman by the name of Christina Hoff Sommers wrote about the “paycheck fairness” bill that was on the Senate’s to-do list. She practically bashes the idea of women having equal pay as men. The 1963 Equal Pay Act has helped us only so much since we still only earn 77 cents to every dollar a man makes (and that’s a high estimate. Minorities receive much less). These reasons include the following that have been pounded into my head after many women’s studies classes: fear of pregnancy/maternity leave, wanting more benefits for the prospective children, and valuing a family-friendly workplace that usually, if not always, pays less than one that doesn’t appreciate that a woman can reproduce children and has a choice to.

Ms. Sommers goes on to say that the wage gap isn’t due to discrimination. In fact it’s because of “women’s choices”. We choose to leave the workforce to take care of older parents or young children. We choose to work somewhere that will respect that we have children to take care of. We choose to have more benefits such as health coverage.

Time for a Nikki-rant: I don’t choose to do any of that stuff right now, but when I get older and am thinking about having my own little rugrats, it won’t be a choice, it will be a deal-breaker. I will need a place that will cover my health care. I will need a place that will understand that sometimes, my kid gets sick and I’m the only one to go get them. I will need to work at an establishment that also understands that due to gender roles and discrimination, women have been raised as care-takers and thus must take care of their elderly parents or young children. I am an only child – I will have to take care of my parents when they get to that stage in life! (Mom, I’m totally willing to do it, no worries. Love ya.) And again, being an only child, whenever I was sick or when I broke a bone my mom was the one who came and picked me up. Why? Probably because she was the one with the flexible job and was “expected” to.

So actually Christina Hoff Sommers, the wage gap is based on sex discrimination because we apply gender roles to these sexes (and don’t even get me started on the fact that there aren’t just two sexes and how our system runs on a binary scheme. I’ll just go off!). We should hold employers responsible for their actions and the pay disparities.

Sex discrimination is so embedded in our culture and society, that not a whole lot of people see it. Including a woman writing about it. I wonder how much she gets paid in comparison to her male-counterparts…

Gender Drivers

2010-08-18T12:30:00.000-07:00

There’s been a stereotype of women being terrible drivers. I remember first hearing this common cliché uttered from my father when I was little, cautioning me to not "drive like a woman". I guess I listened to him because I don’t drive like a woman; hell, I don’t drive at all.

But despite my own personal choice, I have recently come upon a few articles about gendered driving. In the NYTimes, they posted that women are better drivers – we don’t hit as many pedestrians. One woman was quoted as saying, “It has to do with our motherly instincts.” I’m not one to believe that there is some inherent maternal instinct that women naturally have (ahem); I think this is a situation where one would think, “Oh crap, I don’t want to hit that person and get sued millions of dollars.” It’s common sense to not hit people and kill them when driving, right?

According to another study that I read on MSNBC, men get into more accidents during the summertime because women have more revealing clothing. So it’s not just the fact that women know how to not hit someone, it’s also because we keep our eyes on the road. We pay attention! But ultimately it’s our fault that men are getting into these accidents, right? Let’s burqa-up, people!

All joking aside though, this is just a common case of gender-izing everything. Men are more aggressive, they take more risks, and thus they speed up when they're not supposed to, drive while under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol, kill people, and so and so forth. And it’s not just driving that gets men; it’s walking (again, paying attention seems to be on the to-do list). Men are more likely to get hit than women as pedestrians.

Yet it’s no surprise that men see this as a positive, “On the road, I think the most important things are intuition and aggressiveness,” said Mark Volinsky, 24, who has been driving for six years. “It’s hard even for me to conjure those up driving around the city, so I can’t imagine someone like my 45-year-old mom being able to function in that kind of dog-eat-dog environment.”

No, but I can imagine a your 45-year-old mom not hitting someone just because she’s trying to get to a parking spot twenty feet ahead of her. If someone got it before her, she'd probably just shrug and keep driving around looking for another spot.

This article just reminds me to breathe, take a moment, and calm down. We’re all moving so fast. Women are trying to catch up with men, men are trying to get to first place, and we’re all missing our lives go by. Thank goodness I bike everywhere; otherwise, I wouldn’t notice the great scenery.

Season 4 Premier of Mad Men and Women

2010-07-26T19:21:00.000-07:00

When we last left our dashing Don Draper he was spiraling out of control in his home life, calling his wife a whore, making threats to her, and telling the Barbie Betty that he wouldn’t ever divorce her because he didn’t want “to break up this family”. Too late for that Don. It only took him three seasons to finally get what he deserved after feeling as though it was his right to cheat on his wife repeatedly and then make her think she was crazy. Betty ultimately just became more stubborn and refused to see any therapist he would ever suggest.

In his work life, everything was going down a different drain and he and his core co-workers didn’t want to slide down it. Thus, they decided to create their own ad agency title Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce. It’s kind of catchy after hearing twenty times throughout the first episode and seeing the bold letters on the sleek glass doors. The new office is harsh, bright, and kind like a maze (much like their lives in the current situation they have placed themselves in).

So anyways, the episode starts off asking, “Who is Don Draper?” by a reporter from AdAge. This is a question that he has clearly been struggling with himself for years on end considering the fact that he’s Dick Whitman from an old farm in the Midwest. He’s still that scared little boy, trying to hide behind a mask and charade of women on top of that. Without his stable family life and this shaky new start of a company, he seems unsure of himself on how to answer this question, let alone fathom what it means. He answers rather vaguely and comes off cold and cocky, which resembles the same Don who had everything. But now, as I have stated before, he’s in a new world; he can’t continue being the same person.

This is made even more clear when he goes to meet with some prudish owners of a bathing suit line called Jantzen. They have a “two-piece”, not a bikini. They want something that is wholesome. They’re “a family company”. It’s awfully hard to take these two seriously when they’re selling swimsuits for women. Trying to make something like that modest is like trying to make the Virgin Mary look like a slut; it can be done, but not very well and it will confuse the audience as well as turn them away (although for the Virgin Mary part, it would most likely cause an uproar from all ends of the earth).

Don is uncomfortable in this position of everyone wanting him, but not getting the benefits of wowing the client. It’s a frustrating situation…. Made even more so when he’s being told by the bright young up-and-comers Peggy and Pete that they look up to him, have hopes that are riding on him. “You know something? We are all here because of you. All we want to do is please you,” Peggy says. This is of course after she is scolded by Don for setting up some scheme to get their Sugarberry Ham product back on the market; get two women to fight over it. This backfires though and one of the women presses charges. Peggy has to call Don and ask for $280 ($80 for bail, $100 for each of them to keep quiet about it). The plan works though, even if Don doesn’t like having to jump through hoops in order to get the client to sell more products. He’s used to doing it the old-fashioned way, but as we can see throughout this whole episode, that’s not going to cut it.

Moving into the family portion of this section, Don is having difficulty coping as a newly divorced man. You’d think it would be harder for Betty, but she escaped this marriage by diving into a new one without a single look back. So of course, people have to feel bad for him from his friend’s wife, Mrs. Jane Sterling, to the date that he takes out. Speaking of the date, she seems like a smarter model and make of Betty, meaning that she won’t fall for his saucy hands in the car or seductive lips. That scene in itself is pretty awkward. Don used to be able to seduce a woman’s panties off with a wink of his eye. Now he’s being pitied by someone he goes on a date with and he has to pay for sex (as well as getting slapped across the face during it). It seems, at least sexually, the women have the upper hand. The prostitute even scolded him, “Stop telling me what to do. I know what you want.” Then she proceeded to slap him multiple times. This is a side of Don that the audience hasn’t seen; he’s limited in the bedroom.

And speaking of the bedroom, Betty just can’t get enough of it. After the tumultuous Thanksgiving dinner, she goes for the jugular trying to get her way with her new man. That’s all interrupted when she hears Sally dialing the phone trying to get a hold of her father. Betty is turning out to be a worse and worse mother as the years go on. She simply punishes her children by dragging them away and out of sight or just snapping at them so that they will frightfully scurry into their rooms. The children clearly are terrified of her. All she wants to do is make-out with her newly gained husband who also wants to do the same thing, but without the repercussions of dealing with the children.

Betty seems more like a bossy older sister to her child, Sally, than an actual mother. This becomes apparent when she stumbles in laughing and quite possibly drunk with Henry. Don sits on the couch waiting for her like a parent waiting up for their child to walk in from a late night. She tries her best to confront him by saying that she had waited up countless times for him, but she still comes off as a stubborn little princess. She refuses to move out of the house which she says is for children’s benefit, but clearly she doesn’t want to experience anymore change than she already has. Henry even tries to confront her and tell her that Don’s right and they need to move out. This is reiterated when he has a discussion with his mother about Betty. She calls her a “silly woman” and then says, “Honestly, Henry, I don’t know how you can stand living in that man’s dirt.” She has a point. They wanted to start a life with one another and he even said in the last episode that he didn’t want Betty, “owing him [Don] anything.” Well, if she doesn’t move out soon, she’ll have to start owing him rent!

The episode ends with Don pitching an ad idea to the swimsuit company and getting a rather bleak response. They’re a family company after all … that makes two-pieces … aka bikinis. Again, like I said before, it’s hard to make this image “wholesome” like they wanted. They were unnerved by the image of woman half covered by a slogan. Even though they sell two-pieces for women, they seem uncomfortable with any female’s figure and especially one that would suggest a hint of sexuality. Don ends up throwing them out (thank goodness). He gets a new interview with the Wall Street Journal in order to make up for the horrendous interview he gave before. During said interview, he remakes himself to be this bad boy of the ad agency, dodging bullets, jumping ship from his old company, and creating a new start.

Throughout this episode, Don has learned what it takes to work people over … again. The old ways aren’t working so he needs to find a new angle. The women in this episode are tragically caged in their same life with new surroundings. They have two options; complain and whine about it until they get what they want (Betty) or grab the bull by the horns and have your way (Peggy). Hopefully we’ll see more of Joan so we can get a feel for what she’s been up to lately. She seems to have just settled back into her old role of manning the ship as always, but who knows what the future holds; especially with her rapist of a husband going into the army.

Conservative Feminism

2010-07-02T10:30:00.000-07:00

Lately there has been a lot of news about this new fangled “conservative feminism”. Guess who’s the poster girl for this? I’ll give you a few hints; she likes to hunt, she doesn’t know what she’s talking about, and she couldn’t even stand to do her job for the full term. Haven’t guessed yet? It’s Sarah Palin.

Now, you may think I’m being harsh by bashing this form of feminism, but I personally believe it’s elitist (you know that word she often describes the Obama administration as). RHRealityCheck.org has described this feminism in a tongue and cheek article stating “The argument is that Abortion Is Bad For Women, because it thwarts women from their true desires---so deep and true that many women don’t even realize they have them---to bring every pregnancy to term, no matter how much they think they don’t want it.” Oh yeah! I’m a poor fifteen year old girl who got knocked up because I didn’t use any contraception; I’m really going to want that baby and drop out of school, get one or two minimum wage paying jobs and hope – no pray! – that your baby daddy will stick around and help you out … or get married to you in order to make you an “honest woman” (whatever that means).

It just baffles me that this whole notion of conservative feminism is becoming what Sarah Palin seems to hate – mainstream. The woman herself is apart of this “lame-stream media” as she has been heard to say at events. The only reason it’s lame, Sarah, is because you’re apart of it. But what do I know? I’m only a 22 year old liberal Californian who will not vote for the conservative women running in the upcoming election.

Feminism has always been a scary word for women (there was no bra-burning … can people stop saying that? Please?) and some journalists have even commended Palin for declaring herself as such. It’s no surprise that if you believe in equal rights for men and women, then you are a feminist. However, I firmly believe that women need access to birth control, including abortion clinics, in order to have equal rights. It’s not just about the work force or politics, it’s also about being physically capable of doing what we want. I will not let a pregnancy – at my age that is – hold me back from doing what I want to do.

“Fiorina and Palin's pitches reveal graphically how selfish their brand of feminism is.” Exactly. Linda Hirshman stated so much of this political feminist hubbub that I have been arguing in my head lately. She describes in her article Fiorina’s personal story and connection to abortion; apparently her husband’s mother was told by a doctor to have an abortion (even though it was illegal) and she ended up going through with the pregnancy which produced the love husband. So many stories like this – such as the Focus on the Family Super Bowl advertisement – are supposed to arouse women to keep their unwanted pregnancies. Who knows?! You could become the mother of the next president of the United States (and hope that he’s not a “girlie president”).

In conclusion peeps, I find that choice is a big issue for feminists and one that women need access to. I’d rather not see women have to resort to coat hangers, going to other countries if absolutely necessary, or pulling a Revolutionary Road move. A woman’s life is precious and even more so when she is ready to give birth and go through that miraculous process.

Womanhood in a Memoir…

2010-07-01T09:59:00.000-07:00

I recently read an article on Salon.com (which is where most of my rants and posts come from). This article was discussing the surge in memoirs written by women about their single life. Most are in their late 20s and early 30s. The stories are normal and considered plain and “remarkably unremarkable”. Being only 22 myself, I’m actually intrigued to pick up these books and see what I can possibly expect when I get older.

It’s rather presumptuous of me to assume that I’ll be single throughout the years between now and 30, but at this rate, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Drama comes easy to me (and it’s not because I used to be a theater major) so having one less thing or person to worry about is something I welcome with open arms.

Getting back to the article, the writer states that relationships and men aren’t a focal point in any of these stories.

“The romantic interests here are given no more weight or import, really, than the mothers, fathers, sisters, bosses, roommates, drinking buddies, and Bridezilla girlfriends who give these books and the lives of the women who write them, their shape and rhythm. Perhamps more tellingly, romantic foibles or successes are not treated as a measure of the value off the protagonists’ lives, a circumstance that is so recent an yet now so common that we forget how disruptive to the social order it still is.”

Social order? I’m sorry but when I think of “social order” I think of what I’m supposed to be as a woman (a wife, a mother, and quiet) rather than what I want to be (career oriented, helpful, and express my opinion). My immediate desires in life are to be financially independent, helping women in my field, and adopting children later on. Having a relationship could fall in there if it happens, but I’m not that kind of girl who has planned out her whole wedding since she was a little girl. Having a relationship with someone would be great, but for now I’ll just live vicariously through my friends and the drama they have.

These books are apparently all about “disappointment”. Well, no surprise there. Nobody is completely satisfied or happy with their lives even if they get everything they ever wanted. The grass is always greener on the other side so to speak. With media still pressing onto women that their ultimate goal in life is to have a perfect relationship from movies to crappy television, these books seem to go against the grain. It expresses that we have other goals and ambitions and they unfortunately aren't all met. The end of the article summed up what purpose these books serve which is to tell the world “women can do and what we want to do; they serve as a valuable record of simply what we do.” I like that we have books expressing the complicated life women lead and not having a relationship (whether it’s a man or a woman) be the main theme. It’s truthful and honest. Not every single girl’s life is like Sex and the City.

Mother's Day

2010-05-09T11:12:00.000-07:00

I couldn’t possibly put everything I want to into a hallmark card to my mother. She’s done and is still doing too much for me. No one ever asked to have her provide for me as much as she has and for as long as she has. She’s given me her genes, her face practically, shelter, gifts, and love. I’m spoiled and she knows it, but she continues to be absolutely amazing.

It’s difficult to put into words how I feel about mother’s day. It’s a day where we’re supposed to appreciate the women who gave birth to us, but I feel like with every breath I take, I do that. When I first came to college, I had a revelation; how did my mother put up with this? I had been a sullen, angry teenage girl. I yelled at her, screamed a lot, and even called her a few names that I wouldn’t ever repeat to her now a days. Appreciation seems to come all too late in life.

Today is not just mother’s day, but also the 50^th anniversary of the birth control pill. Ironically, I had a dream about being pregnant this morning, but I am a hefty advocate of adoption and having control over my reproductive system. The woman who pioneered this concept of choice, Margaret Sanger, is a godsend to me. I have gone through multiple paths of this chemical pill and now I’ve finally found the right one that not only satisfies my constant questioning of my body, but also destroys any remnants of a migraine. I’m glad to have this freedom.

So in conclusion, I’m thanking the mothers who have had to go through so much for their daughters, the countless women who went through botched abortions, those who continue to fight for our right to choose and of course my own mother who had me prematurely, had to stare at me in the hospital when I was a baby, and has watched me grow stronger and stronger ever since. Patti Poole, you’re amazing. I love you dearly and I can’t express it enough. I look up to you more than you know.

Love forever and always, your daughter, Nicholle Charlotte Allair.

Single Ladies Put Your Hands Up … In Prayer

2010-05-07T08:00:00.000-07:00

It’s been a while since I’ve last written, but it’s a bit difficult to not rant about what one of my friends posted on facebook the other day. There is an event on FB where single women fast and go into intensive prayer all day together on March 28^th in order to end this “epidemic” of being single. I’m not kidding. There are women who are signed up for this too; 96 confirmed guests as of 7:00 am today while I’m typing this message. They're all going to pray to find a man and become married as God has supposedly intended for every woman.

Just reading the description of this “rally” makes my blood boil. This event is extremely discriminatory to women and it’s heteronormative like you wouldn’t believe. It’s expecting that a woman’s one goal in life is to attain a husband. I understand that for some, that is true, but it still seems too trivial. I’ve been watching the Tudors nonstop for the last week and all of those women, although devoutly religious and all knowing that their “occupation” was to be a goodly wife, they had other things on their agenda. For Katherine of Aragon, it was to fight her divorce that was forced upon her. Anne Boleyn was a blatant Lutheran and wanted to remove the money and unneeded relics from the churches. Jane Seymour wanted to present the other two children to his majesty and remind him that he had a duty to his daughters (as much as he would like to ignore them). Anne of Cleeves was a political move, Katherine Howard was flighty and wanted her man Culpepper, and the last wife, Catherine Parr, was meant to keep her husband satisfied for the remainder of his decaying life. In conclusion, even women of the 16^th century had other plans within themselves besides marriage.

At least there was a comment from someone on the board that gave a glimmer of hope,

“I am not opposed to events like this per se, but what if God has called some women and men to be single for the rest of their lives? Not everyone is called to be married. I don't see singleness as an epidemic or a disease. The church should stop treating it like it is, there is nothing wrong with being single. God calls different people to different seasons in their lives, He has a unique and individual plan for each and every one of us. His plans are always perfect. It is not a shame to be single, the church should really lose this mindset. Throughout the Bible and throughout history, God has used single people in phenomenal ways to bring His kingdom to the earth, Jesus, being one of them. I think that praying for a husband or wife should be an individual thing, not a corporate endeavour, because being single or married is part of God's individual plan for a person.”

I find that this person presents an interesting debate with all of the other ladies who completely agree with this “epidemic”. Whatever higher power we may or may not have, if it had certain plans for us, it certainly isn’t that every single person get married. In that case, then gays and lesbians should be praying too so that they can become a happily married couple.

Marriage … it’s lost its appeal to me since I became a teenager and has been going down the drain ever since. I have not seen any benefits aside from a huge celebration and a tax cut here and there. Marriage is considered to be a union of two people who are in love, however it wasn’t always this way. Men and women became married for property, for a dowry, etc. With all of the recent events of cheating husbands coming out to their wives, it makes marriage more of a despicable thing to me. It’s as though it were a destined union between a man and woman, but the man has free reign to do as he pleases. I can’t wait for a highly public woman to come out and say that she’s cheated on her husband soon. I'd like to know that it's not just rich male celebrities who cheat on their spouses.

All in all, I don’t appreciate my singlehood being deemed as an epidemic; makes me feel like a leper when in reality, there aren’t any men of quality around for me to date at the moment. Some women need to be single. I recently have discovered that before I know someone else, I must know myself and do all of that soul searching crap you hear on Tough Love. This is also why I plan to adopt; I can’t rely on anyone else but myself, whether it be a man or a woman.

Instead of fasting on May 28^th, I will be vegging out. Instead of praying for a man, I will be praying that I don’t fall into a loveless, destructive marriage as I’ve seen all around. If I choose to pray at all, it’ll be for beloved friends, wonderful family, and the things that have kept me going in my “epidemic”. I’d rather be happy and single, able to eat what I want and not give a fig to anyone else than be sad, praying for my life to change, and not being able to eat that double stuffed Oreo that sits in front of me.

Hairy Situation

2010-04-13T14:13:00.000-07:00

Shaving. Something that most girls have been raised to do. I myself feel embarrassed when I don’t shave and I’m wearing a dress or a tank top. But why? Why does it matter? Because of society’s definition of beauty. Look at any cover of a magazine and you see a bright, smiling girl with long hair, perfect skin, and most likely all photoshopped.

Today an NYTimes article reinforced the notions of cultural beauty when they wrote about the actress and comedian Mo’nique who has time and time again announced that she doesn’t shave. But because of her broadened fan base thanks to her Oscar win, she has been critiqued and ridiculed by the media for not shaving.

I find that the notion of “to shave or not to shave” goes back to the simplistic ideology of women being the pure ones. Being soft, smooth, and having a youthful look. It also coincides with the opposing model of men being the rough, rugged, and hairy beings that they are. Masculinity vs. femininity in the flesh. Just as women are chastised for not shaving, men are made fun of for shaving and grooming themselves. The term metrosexual has come along with this wave of men who like to take care of themselves and sometimes that means they shave, they straighten their hair, they tan, etc. No other model can be perfectly imagined than the boys from Jersey Shore.

To counteract this domineering metrosexual design, a newly coined term has come into play: “retrosexual”. It’s all about guys returning to that golden age of when men were men and women were housewives. This comes from the show Mad Men which capitalizes on the idea of men grooming themselves, but still being extremely masculine; they spend a certain amount of money not on tweezing, but going to a barber with a straight razor blade.

The image of beauty is skewed on both ends of the playing field. Anyone who has watched the show “The Price of Beauty” knows that women all around the world are compelled to high standards of what is physically acceptable. It would be nice to balance this television show with one where men are featured and are put up on a pedestal as well. By exposing all of the ridiculous things that women go through, it would not only opens our eyes, but I feel it would give us more choices.

I have a choice to not shave my legs, to not wear make-up, to vajazzle and to flip a finger to the media’s ideas of what is attractive.

Don't We Have Male Studies?

2010-04-09T19:32:00.000-07:00

I’m sorry, I’m having a really hard time wrapping my brain around this new concept that has been brought up today by Wagner College called male studies. Not to be confused with men’s studies which is an offshoot of women’s studies and goes into detail about the differences between men and women socially, physically, mental, etc. No, instead it’s more like an anti-feminist approach. It’s a study on what great things men have done and how feminism has had this constant thread and “growing problem” of misandry – the hatred of men and boys.

The title page of the symposium states that they are going to “examine the declining state of the male”. Um ... I see plenty of men around me, on television, as my governor, every single president in the history of the United States ... where's this decline?

I understand the need for a program that studies the world of men, but that’s why we have men’s studies. I’m going to complain a little bit and just say that most of my history classes can be considered male studies. My whole high school career can be considered that. The history book was mainly filled with great male leaders – and for a rather weak reason, because women haven’t been allowed the same rights as a man for some time. We’ve only had the vote for eighty years as opposed to the white, male, land owners who have had it since they landed on our shores.

When I read about what male studies is going to be all about, I have a hard time swallowing it. It could very well be my thick feminist wall that’s up, but I have been hammered with the ideas that feminists do not hate men. We don’t hate men. We need to work with men. I like learning about the other side, the other sex (but not subsequently "othered" like the term that Simone de Beauvoir coined to describe women). I’m all encompassing with that.

I see this new field as male studies is men's studies as the tea party is the GOP.

There needs to be a major and topic of study where men can understand themselves, know themselves, and all that, but we do live in a male-dominated world. The description of what the male studies program is going to be like, sounds like the fatty paragraph that explains my intro to women’s studies class on my syllabus … only replace everything that would say “female” with “male”.... And add a bit of misandry that is taking over our world.

I guess why I’m so confused by all of this is because men are dominant in this culture. There is a topic of men’s studies. There are countless male heroes who are great role models and representatives for others to look up to. There should be some adjustments in our studies and in our courses, but I don’t think blaming feminism as this panel of authors and professors who want this field seem to do. Is this a response to the equality that is slowly, very slowly, happening? Are men scared to loose their power? Because in order for balance, they need to let go a little bit.

What I have learned from my own women’s studies classes; feminists want equality and we don’t hate men. If anything, we’re jealous. I'll admit it. I know I am. I know Peggy Olson of Mad Men is. I'm jealous that a guy can ride his bike on a Friday night and not be hollered at. I'm jealous that they usually don't have to walk around with pepper spray in their hands usually, looking over their shoulder. And there is the other side of the coin; men do have to worry about being jumped, they do have to worry that the woman walking in front of them is terrified of them even though they won't do anything.

It’s no secret that men have the majority of the power (aside from the workforce these days). So why does there need to be two fields of studies and practically all of history dedicated to men? I’m confused and I find that it’s another response to feminism and the stereotypes that continue to mold the women’s movement in a negative light.

Wanting Wonder Woman

2010-04-08T10:22:00.000-07:00

I’ve been craving to watch some Wonder Woman. With all of these super hero movies, you never see one with a single woman (Cat Woman doesn’t count). Usually super heroines are in films such as X-Men where there are men to counter balance them and even then it’s not a fair number. Or they are villains such as Poison Ivy and Cat Woman (a cat has more than one life I suppose...).

In order to quench my thirst for such a super hero, I decided to watch the cartoon they made in 2009. The man she ultimately falls for starts off as a macho beast who constantly whistles at Diana, makes lewd comments, and even asks, “What’s up with her?” When Wonder Woman ends up taking the task to return the pilot, Steve, to America, she ends up seeing what our world looks like. In fact she’s disgusted by how women are treated and how there’s no sisterhood. She complains to Steve (who in turn, ignores her comments), “Remarkable! The advanced brain washing that has been perpetuated upon the females of your culture. Raised from birth to believe they are not strong enough to compete with boys and then as adults, taught to trade on their very femininity.” Wow. Way to hit the feminist nail on the head!

However, I suppose since she was raised in an Amazonian world and culture, she never saw her own clothing as a form of suppression. Her uniform that she dons can maybe be considered a bathing suit … in a Victoria’s Secret catalogue that is. If only Wonder Woman knew the history of herself! Her skirts have been getting shorter as the years go on and the American society that coincides with it. Throughout the film, she is rather naïve, extremely curious, but still ultimately a true feminist as her mother raised her to be (how could you not turn out that way on an island solely of females?).

It’s interesting and yet highly cliché that the male character Steve would respond to the information of Diana’s mother and Ares being lovers, “I guess it’s not surprising. Women always go for the bad boy.” Yes. We do don’t we? This is a total precursor to Diana going for him ultimately. There has to be a love story in order to justify her reason for possibly having an interest in a male.

I used to watch the Justice League cartoon when it was on television and I didn’t mind that there was a romance between Batman and Wonder Woman actually. It was probably because he was such a brooding character with his guard up and she was completely outspoken about men, but still had her own brick wall of protection blocking her emotions. They seemed to fit perfectly together. Pilot Steve and newly naïve Diana however don’t seem like a match made in proverbial Greek heaven. He’s not intellectual enough for her and she can drink him under the table. I feel like it’s a disrespect to men out there to have this guy represent them in the film.

I mean, Steve does end up arguing with her on how she doesn’t know that much about men. They get into this fight about how men aren’t that bad. He says to her, “Not everything a man does is to further some misogynistic agenda. We don’t hold doors open or pull out chairs for women because we’re trying to keep you down! And I didn’t save you because I thought you were some damsel in distress!” Okay, it’s easy for a man – especially a white male who works for the government – to say that he’s not trying to oppress Diana, but he doesn’t realize that her first impression of him was just that. Hell, the guy gets slapped by Diana when he tries to kiss her after this monologue that was supposed to change her mind about men. Then he hollers, “You crazy Amazonian dragon lady!” Steve … you’ve been trying to kiss her throughout the whole film as though it was your right, so don’t tell me you’re not oppressing her; you’re just blinded by the fact you’ve done this all your life.

I think the best part was when Steve’s foot got caught in the lasso of truth and he ended up admitting that this whole macho thing was just a façade. It was sheer genius. About time he was honest to Diana and himself. He confessed his fears of getting hurt “again” which is a valid reason for anyone who has a mask on – even Wonder Woman herself. We all have flaws; it’s just whether or not we’re willing to own up to them without a magical golden whip that will force us to. Steve I don't think will ever admit to his manly faults again. He even prays that a lasso of truth isn't mass produced for the very reason that he didn't want to say what he really thought out loud.

The woman, Persephone, who ends up bringing Ares to his full power and has fallen in love with him brings up the discussion I just ranted about yesterday; what is a natural woman? She said, “[I was denied a life] of families and children. Yes Hippolyta, the Amazons are warriors, but we are women too.” It’s implied that it’s a natural state for a woman to want a family. I won’t get into it again.

The film ends with Wonder Woman saving the world again and she is granted leave from the Amazonian island by her mother. She can go to America and become New York’s new super hero (Spiderman seems to m.i.a. at the moment I guess). She jokes with Steve about how she doesn’t need help, but he reminds her about how they apparently talked about the whole chivalry topic amongst themselves. She sees that she needs to save the day again, battle her new nemesis, Cheetah, and it ends with a punch in the face. All in all … pretty damn good.

I wish girls could watch a show like this more and have a role model like Wonder Woman. Because although I will nitpick at any little thing about what ever version of this super hero they decide to conjure up, I still think she’s an amazing representation for girls to look up to. People can complain about the violence and how girls shouldn’t admire an icon that uses fighting as her means of getting what she wants, but boys have those idols all the time.

Like I have said before; men need to know that they can show emotions in our world and women need to have more of a backbone. Let’s get a live-action Wonder Woman already so girls can build that backbone again.

A Natural Woman

2010-04-07T12:07:00.000-07:00

I can’t help but wonder what it really means to be a “natural woman” as Aretha Franklin belts in the titled song. Does it mean receiving the respect we deserve? Having the love of a man in this heteronormative world (as is boasted in the said song)? Or is it about having babies? Women are told on a day to day basis that they are nurturers and that we have this instinct. I even believed when I was younger that I had a duty and an instinct to take care of children, but now I feel like it just puts pressure on me to act a certain way.

Yesterday I cooked for my best friend Dana. I generally just like to cook and that hobby came mainly from my dad making so many dishes in my youth and I often call him asking for tips, “Dad, how do you do enchiladas again?” or “Dad, I wanna make some vegetables, what’s the best way?” My father can even go out of his way to explain things to me when I don’t want to hear it, “I made a great beef stew today! I first went to the store and …” That man can drift on for an hour about corned beef or how to make the perfect green beans with pearl onions if I let him. Just this past Easter, he was raving about a five-year-old block of cheddar cheese he found at Safeway and what a steal it was.

What I’m trying to say is that a parental instinct comes “naturally” to whoever wants to embrace it. I recently listened to a podcast from “Stuff Mom Never Told You” and it was about Munchausen’s syndrome which is all about mothers making their children sick in order to seek out attention mainly from doctors. It’s really hard to determine whether a mother has this syndrome though. Anyways, my thoughts arose to this whole idea of what is natural and what isn’t after I read an article on the Huffington Post coupled with the notion of this syndrome. Is there something natural about women deeply embedded inside or is it all just a bunch of speculation?

The article I read was all about how today’s feminism makes feminists of the 21^st century way more stressed out than need be. I’ll admit, after getting my full dose of feminism and women’s history down my throat, I thought I could do it all. I thought I could have a career, have a child, and still carry a love life under my arm. But upon reading into different lifestyles of women and reading this article has made me realize that if I choose to deal with two out of the three of these things in my life, I’ll be more balanced and possibly more fulfilled. It’s that whole “less is more” thing.

Let’s not kid ourselves though; the grass is always greener on the other side!

The life I have envisioned for myself may or may not come to terms. I want three adopted children (one African, one Asian, and one that’s blonde haired and blue eyed), I want a great career helping women whether it’s through a clinic, through teaching, or through the written word, and I really would like a significant other if this ideal busy schedule would ever allow me. Maybe just the kids and the career will suffice. Maybe not.

But I have to keep reminding myself; I’m 22, I’m 22, I’m 22. My whole life is ahead of me and as of right now, in this limbo that makes me feel like I’m stuck in Jell-o, I have options.

I guess the reason why women feel like they need to have EVERYTHING is because of that repeated notion that we have to have children on top of it. I’ve read countless times in feminist essays and articles that men are detached physically from their offspring; maternity is certain, paternity isn’t. So if the tables were turned and men gave birth to children, would they feel like they have to have everything? Would they have this “instinct” that women are constantly told they have? Or do they already have it and we just don’t see it portrayed in the media? Commercials are constantly toting what it is to be a man and a woman (a woman cleans with Swiffer and vacuums with Dyson while a man is the invisible voice announcing it or the old geezer selling it to you).

It’s an interesting concept and one that I’m constantly struggling with. I chalk up the reason why I take care of people so much and want to be there for all of my friends is because I’m an only child and seek solace in them as a replacement to siblings. Then again, why try to find meaning and reason in something that I enjoy so much?

Women are the Answer?

2010-04-02T12:50:00.000-07:00

So it’s become apparent to me that with this fatal Wall Street market crash of the last year or so and the fact that nothing is being fixed that most people are turning to the resource that has only been tapped a little bit; women. In a recent opinion blog from the New York Times, William Cohan suggests that maybe having a few women in higher up positions of power would have prevented the rumble and crumble of the stock market. Again, we’re dividing ourselves by gender. How do men ultimately receive these positions of power? By being aggressive, playing up their own traits, and not showing that they helped anyone else but themselves. There is a heavy gender-bias in the work force that is easily seen by women who work there. It’s noted in the language they use, how they present themselves, and even how they're treated by their co-workers. Sexism still persists in most environments, although it’s become more subtle these days so it’s a bit harder to detect. Not to say that men don’t experience this sexism either; they get it from their own co-workers who expect them to be “manly” and are often bullied down by their fellow peers.

I just find it daunting that all of a sudden, with nothing really changing with the job loss percentage, suddenly the ones with power are looking to their other halves. Women are seen as the emotional ones yet most authors of these articles still wonder if women ran Wall Street (or the world for that matter) would they have done a better, more thought provoking job? Has anyone considered that maybe the fact that we aren’t as physically charged, overtly aggressive, and wanting complete domination is because we haven’t been given the chance? According to the New York Magazine article linked above, women would pull the reigns on men, "Having women around, in other words, “prevents extreme behavior—or irrational exuberance.”". I'm sorry, if a woman has a position of power, it's not going to be her job to babysit the rowdy boys running around Wall Street and making a mess of everything. Thanks for giving us the clean up job boys ... again. This is much like the 1940s when the workforce was in shambles and women had to come in and fill the spots that the men had left in order to fight the war. Rosie the Riveter was an icon (still is in fact), but women were shoved out of their occupations the moment the men came back. The media started shouting at women who didn't want to leave, "Your children need you!" They seemed fine without me while I was working in the factory ...

I find that because we are played up as opposites, we fall into those roles. For example a man will find a way to show his strength physically while a woman will do it mentally or emotionally. This is usually the main difference between a male and female bully, the big kids on campus. A “mean girl” will go around spreading rumors, ruin your reputation or find some other sneaky way of ruining your physique (much like Lindsay Lohan did in the titled movie Mean Girls).

Boys however, are characterized to push their weak counterparts down and express that they have status based on physical characteristics.

Again, this is all stereotyping. Men can be just as emotionally damaging as women (if you have ever seen an episode of The Tudors, then you’ll know that men can spread rumors that will cut heads off). And women can be just as physically damaging if need be. Last year there was a hazing incident that had gone on for years at a New Jersey high school which included a slut list, whistle blowing in girls' faces, and senior girls physically pushing freshman into lockers. A more recent case of bullying tragically ended in a girl who had moved from

Ireland

to commit suicide and nine teenagers – seven of them girls – were charged for it.

So when it comes to being aggressive on Wall Street or being aggressive in high school, I find that it’s again not gender related, but it has to do with the individual. It’s based on power, status, and playing a game in the world in order to scale the ladder. It’s a huge balancing act when it comes to developing a proper environment for children in school and for adults in the workplace and it all starts with proper communication with the boss and the co-workers or students and administration. If the head honcho decides to not listen to the complaints at hand however, it can end in horrendous results, much like Phoebe Prince of South Hadley High School.

"Phoebe Prince, 15, a freshman at South Hadley High School in western Massachusetts, hanged herself in January. Her family had recently moved from Ireland." (From the New York Times)

To wrap this all up, I, again, don’t find that women are necessarily the answer to all of our problems in the world. Yes, we do need a better representation of the female sex in executive positions, but that does not mean that we will have unicorns and rainbows once that happens. Teaching young students how to be both emotional and acceptably aggressive is probably a good way to start. Men should be allowed to express their emotions and women should learn how to stand up for themselves, have a backbone when needed. But in order for both to happen, it would be nice for equal representation of these ideas to be expressed in pop culture. Super Man and Disney Princesses just don’t cut it anymore…

Woman as Other

2010-03-30T14:21:00.000-07:00

The whole concept of "woman as other" comes from the feminist Simone de Beauvoir. It immediately comes to mind when I see all of these titles in the news, “Why it took a woman to fix health care” or “Russia’s Fear of Female Bombers Is Revived”. Let’s also not forget the shock from the end of last year that women were going to be the majority in the workforce. It’s always a shock when women actually do something. Why?

My mother and I recently had a discussion about my grandparents. My grandfather, Cecil Poole was happily married for years to my grandma Charlotte. My mother said to me, “She was the woman behind the man, literally.” It’s true.

It’s also true that men and women are treated differently and when a woman acts out of the stereotype, it’s huge news. Chelsea Lately was just examined in the Salon for being a brash, lewd comedian who talks a lot about drinking and having sex, much like her comedic male counterparts. Yet, it’s shocking to find that Ms. Lately is successful, thus we need to find some sort of fault with her.

The Russian terrorist attack on the subway yesterday was shocking not just because it killed dozens, but because it was led by a couple of women. In Moscow they had a succession of female bombers known as Black Widows. A lawyer for a Russian bomber who was captured in 2003 was quoted as saying, “These girls are just pushed into a corner.” Well, can’t that be said for anyone? If you push a man into a corner, he’ll fight back too. Look at the guy who drove his airplane into an IRS building.

We’re more alike than we want to admit, so we’ll continue dividing our world based on gender. Look at healthcare for instance. Women’s health coverage has been way more expensive than men’s and it’s not just because women have the potential of getting pregnant. Thanks to the reform that was passed, there can’t be gender ratings like this. Now, policies have to include maternity coverage … but they can’t have any abortion coverage unless you pay for it yourself (I won’t rant again; I’ve done that enough).

Anyways, before I start to roll off topic into a argument with myself on the idea of a woman’s right to choose, I’ll just conclude with this; we have different physiques and different reproductive systems, but it doesn’t mean we’re polar opposites. Some people believe that feminists are women who want to rule the world. If world was ruled by women, like in the Salon article I read this morning, I don’t think it would be that much different of a place. It’s equality that we’re striving for, not total domination like Pinky and the Brain.

Married Life?

2010-03-27T12:27:00.000-07:00

I find that as I get older, the idea of marriage (or lack there of considering I’m single) keeps popping up. I mean, on my left index finger is my great-grandma’s engagement ring; it’s a constant reminder of their love and the commitment they shared. It’s no secret that in our society, if you’re married, you’re considered to be seen as stable. However each time a new high-profiled scandal comes out whether it’s Tiger Woods, Jesse James, or Governor Sanford of South Carolina, it reminds me that maybe being single isn’t so bad.

There was an article in the Salon about why guys cheat (specifically those who are in a position of power and will ultimately be found out). It had some nice quotes, interesting speculation, and all around it basically said that the idea of marriage hasn’t changed since our grandparent’s time. That’s when I looked down at the glittering diamond ring on my finger for the umpteenth time. The idea of marriage maybe hasn’t changed, but the easiness to get out of it has which makes it possible to leap from one contracted relationship to the next if one chooses to. Watch the last episode of Mad Men in season 3 (spoiler alert if you haven’t watched it!) and you can see that Betty Draper has to jump through hoops in order to get a divorce from Don. He has all the power in the relationship. He finally decides to let her go and she boards a plane with her new lover to Reno where she has to stay for six weeks to gain residency in order to get a divorce contract written up.

The article that really made me start thinking about what a life would be like as a "spinster" was rather daunting. I followed one of the links that was in it to look at pictures of fallen princesses and I was actually morbidly attracted to the Princess Jasmine figure. She's wielding a gun and looking like she could kick some ass (not to mention Aladdin is one of my favorite Disney movies). The first image that pops up though on this slide show is the one that makes me scared to even think about getting married; Snow White with a couple of brats hanging on her hips and the "prince of her dreams" sitting in the background watching television, not even lifting a finger to help.

If I'm ever going to get married, it's going to be a partnership, something where me and my significant other are balanced (ideal, right?). But through all of the trial and error relationships I'm going to have to go through in order to find that "one" ... makes it seem like the "til death do us part" commitment is but a foggy mirage in the very, very distant future.

All of the bureaucracy that comes with marriage really turns me off to it. Granted I know there are benefits and I know that according to some people it is a privilege to be married (I voted no on Prop 8 and went to the rallies, trust me). Maybe I’m thinking too much about, but it is something that will be asked of me in the future I’m sure (“Why aren’t you married yet?”), but again considering the nation we live in and how marriage is a “sacred union” it’s not uncommon that someone my age is debating over the whole issue now. I have several friends who have been or are getting married so to tell me that I’m too young to even contemplate the concept isn’t going to make the reminders go away.

After all, I wear the ring every day and look down at it seeing what the legacy of one side of my family had represented in glittering gemstones on a platinum band.

The F-Word

2010-03-26T10:08:00.000-07:00

I don’t like that there is a fear over the word feminism. Young women these days don’t want to title themselves as feminist and the supposedly mainstream media is helping them along with it. Hell, just the other day, I was asked what my major was. When I told the young man that I was a women’s studies major he replied, “Oh, so you’re a femi-nazi, man-hating dyke, huh?” I replied simply, “I don’t hate men, I just hate men like you who are so closed minded.” The conversation was done.

Yeah ... no...

But why does the overall conversation need to be finished? Really, I should have spoken longer to this guy and told him that if he supported women’s rights, wanted women to move forward along with men and be equal, then he was a feminist. Something tells me he wouldn’t have listened to me either way; he was just trying to get me to buy some magazines that didn’t appeal to me so he could go to Italy.

In a recent article about the magazine Venus and it’s change of management, the new owner Sarah Beardsly, said that feminism is “an old-fashioned concept” and that “it doesn’t enter into our discussions about what we’re going to cover and what have you.” Well, I hate to burst your bubble Ms. Beardsly (or is it Miss? Or Mrs.? Because the term Ms. did come around during the outbreak of "the f-word"), but feminism is everywhere and even if you’re not discussing it, it’s all around. I probably wouldn’t have an education if it weren’t for the feminist movement (actually knowing my mother and how much she values an education, she most likely would have found a way to teach me). Women got the right to vote, can be activists, politicians, CEOs, and a multitude of other jobs all thanks to feminism. It isn’t a dead movement, I think it’s just dormant. Women now account for over half of the workforce these days, a sentence that has been noted over and over and over again in articles across the nation. Women are gaining more power these days in all sorts of different nations and the main reason as I see it is because of “the f-word”.

Calling it “the f-word” makes it sound taboo, like a term that no one should use. Maybe it’s because I’m biased, but I can’t find anything wrong with the word feminism. It means empowerment, it means looking forward to a future where men and women are equal. However, people tend to equate that word with the past, with the supposed bra-burning of the late sixties (it didn’t happen folks, please read up on your women’s history) and all of the “revolt” that women went through like not shaving their legs, protesting against beauty pageants, and – heaven forbid – getting out into the workforce!

I find that both men and women need to use the word feminism with a less-fearful connotation. People blame the radical feminists for turning it into such a horrendous term and I blame main-stream media for making people scared of things that break the social norm and gender scripts. We wouldn’t have Lady Gaga on a magazine cover with a dildo in her pants without the movements and waves of the past nor would we have Hilary Clinton as Secretary of State and Oprah Winfrey as the most powerful black woman in the media.

With feminism should be the word powerful, because that’s what I feel like every time I tell someone I’m a feminist. I’m proud to say it. In fact…

I am Nikki and I’m a feminist!

My Take On Healthcare Reform

2010-03-22T11:03:00.000-07:00

So with spring coming into our lives it seems as though the government has decided that this year long budding health care reform bill should be passed. Thank you House (not MD, but he does benefit from this bill I’m sure). Thank you for passing this blue print of a health care bill. I’m not being sarcastic in the slightest bit; I think this is a huge step in the right direction.

This is the first time a piece of social legislation this large has been passed by the government in over 40 years. President Obama and Nancy Pelosi are practically bursting at the seams for this victory. However, it took a lot out of them in order to do this. As much as I love Obama and all that he’s been trying to do for our country, I’m a little irked that he has to write an executive order about abortion. It’s already not in the bill. However I suppose that could leave some loopholes so Bart Stupak wants Obama to take the proverbial olive branch he’s been holding out and brush his blatant footsteps, cover his tracks so to speak. Oh no wait, there’s the Hyde Amendment that completely erases the chance of a loophole … that’s right. Did anyone remind Stupak of this? Put a post-it on that guy’s door.

This man, Stupak, had threatened at the beginning of this bill to kill it because of the possibility of abortion being paid for through federal money. The dems were already very weary about passing it so they didn’t want to give up any more votes than they had to (the vote came to 219-to-12 in the house). Stupak was adamant about this choice being a pro-life stance and was pleased with what he, the president, and the speaker of the house were all able to come up with (NPR covered this in a well written article). While he was speaking about the bill yesterday, someone actually called him a “baby killer”. No one has stepped forward to admit that they said it and I wouldn’t be surprised if it remained one of the great C-Span mysteries of our time.

Well, this whole abortion hub-bub has distracted a bunch of dems, including Representative Stephen Lynch of South Boston and Representative Dan Lipinski of Chicago’s Southwest Side. It irritates me that the leader of the abortion rally against the health care reform was a man who has clearly never been in a position to have an abortion. Just like women will never know what it’s like to be kicked in the balls, men will never know what it’s like to miss that monthly red stain that reminds women that they’re free to continue leading the life they do. I speak from my own fears and personal freak-outs when I say that having an option, having a choice, to have an abortion is crucial to a woman’s life. However, with this new bill that has been passed and thanks to the Hyde Amendment as well as the presiding executive order, it limits women a lot.

Yesterday when I was talking to some friends about the bill being passed, they all generally asked me the same question, “What is in the bill?”

No federal money can be used for abortions (as I have been ranting about above). A woman essentially has to take out what I have heard being called Abortion Insurance. You can take out a plan that has to be paid for out of your own pocket in order to receive coverage for an abortion and since abortion is a state to state debate, the state can ban the coverage if they see fit.
Employers will have to cover you or else they will be penalized for it.
Children can stay on their parents plans until they reach the age of 26
Children with pre-existing conditions (that big bad wolf that has been talked about non-stop during this whole argument) will not be turned away from health coverage, but adults with medical problems can still be turned away until 2014.
By 2014, insurance companies can no longer turn away people with pre-existing conditions.
If you can afford it and your employer doesn’t cover your health insurance, you can buy from a private insurer.
By 2014 most Americans will be required to have health insurance or pay a penalty. That’s right, if you don’t get it, then you’ll have to pay a fee of $95 or 1% of your income. However if you have financial hardships or religious objections, then you are exempt from buying coverage. People can also buy a certain amount of coverage that will only provide treatment during a fluke accident or some horrific event (but lets be clear, finding out you're pregnant doesn't count), but you have to have at least 3 check ups a year.

More details on this can be found in this article that I read and studied myself. Pretty much most of this won’t go into effect for a few years so those of you who are expecting to stay on your parent’s health insurance for a little while longer, might have to tough it out.

In conclusion to this reform rhetoric, I have to say I give my support to it. Granted, the anti-abortion shouts coming from the right-wing side and even falling from the blue dogs lips completely rubs me wrong the way, but there are millions of people who need coverage. And like I said before, this should be considered a blue print for healthcare. After this is completely signed, sealed and delivered, I’d like to see amendments passed in order to adjust certain things here and there. I believe in life and I believe in choice; I believe that this bill helps give those who are ailing and sick the choice to continue living.

Gossiping Over Gaga

2010-03-15T11:43:00.000-07:00

Gossiping Over Gaga

There’s been so much controversy over the latest Lady Gaga video Telephone. To tell you the truth, I’m still wrapping my head around it.

Let’s do this from beginning to end, shall we?

It starts off with little miss Gaga parading herself into the all women jail. It has a haute couture vibe already with what she’s wearing, what the other prisoners flash her, and just from the mere fact that it’s Lady Freaking Gaga in a god damn jail; what did you expect? She shows authority and presence even with the guards, handing off her glasses to them like they were her slaves. Then they shove her into the cell and strip down. In order to gain back her power that she had lost in this simple little tussle, she climbs up onto the bars and flashes her va-jay-jay (sorry, no Vajazzle here). The guards make a comment about how she doesn’t have a dick and one of them replies, “Too bad.” There has been a lot speculation that Lady Gaga is a hermaphrodite and she sort of played a joke on it not only in this music video, but also on a magazine cover for Q which was banned from certain stores such as Borders. Why is the mentioning of having a penis when the person clearly looks like a woman such a bad thing in our society? I went to a lecture once where the speaker said that we all make assumptions to know what’s in the pants just by seeing the pants. It’s true. So now that Lady Gaga has proved the only phallic thing she has in her pants is possibly a plastic dildo, let’s move on.

Ah, that lesbian kiss scene with the mannish woman out in the courtyard! Of course we had to have this! Because no jail is complete without the concept of lesbianism! It’s the only way a woman can make a true connection on the inside, right? Well, actually, from my analysis, this is Lady Gaga’s way of getting power from “the man” of the female jail. Notice how she grabs that Virgin Mobile phone right as she's macking on this dude-chick. The blatant marketing exposure is also something to be duly noted, but I’ll get to that later.

So next she’s in this large rec room with a bunch of other jailbirds (her sister included if you watch closely enough) and she receives a phone call from Beyonce (the only other person I would expect to call Gaga is Alexander McQueen from the grave, telling her to wear something of his).

After singing into phone, she goes dancing down in between the rows of cells with her lackies that she had acquired from the power kiss. Of course they’re dancing in awesome looking studded bras and panties (not gonna lie, I want a set) and they’re moving in what is becoming an iconic Lady Gaga style of dancing with small, tight steps and her center stage gritting her teeth like the lioness she is.

The next shot of her is her in a cell completely wrapped up in a caution tape outfit is … well, it speaks for itself.

The woman is escorted out of the prison, passed a guard who is looking up some companionship online at Plenty Of Fish.com. In her amazing 1940s-esque outfit, she climbs into The Pussy Wagon. That’s right. The one used in Kill Bill. It’s suits the idea of female power, trying to get it back from a man, etc etc etc. I find that it’s not necessarily the car itself that promotes female power, but the relationship inside it. Beyonce, who has already been on top of the charts, been in the business since she was sixteen and all that, has emitted a type of dominance over the fellow pop culture diva. She even feeds Gaga a snack. Then they speak in metaphors about trust and burgers. It seems to be a little over the top if you ask me.

They get to the diner where Beyonce’s obviously abusive and machismo boyfriend is strutting about, slappin’ asses like they were hundred dollar bills on a black jack table. The scene is silent with subtitles at the bottom as though they were speaking another language (again, kind of has some Tarantino qualities to it … the man loves his subtitles). We cut to Gaga in the back kitchen with a bunch of men dancing around with eye make-up and has on a telephone hat that always reminds me of a birth control pack. They decide to make a sandwich with Wonder Bread and Miracle Whip.

What other products can we spot? Oh in the car scene, Gaga was taking a photo of B with a Polaroid camera. Any others that I just don’t feel like touching on can be found in this excellent article on how Lady Gaga has taken the commercial to a whole new level.

They dance, they spread mayo, they chomp the air, and then Gaga chomps a sandhich. This leads us back to Tyrese Gibson who is lookin’ like a creeper with that ‘stache. Poison is put in his sandwich, in his coffee, in his honey … basically he’s getting stung by two queen bees and doesn’t even know it. The whole room is poisoned, a mass murder, and then the two rejoice by dancing in Americanized gear together. I don’t know if the stars and stripes signify the freedom that they now have or what, but it’s kind of disturbing to watch them do that while surrounded by dead bodies.

It ends with the two women fleeing the police in their Pussy Wagon dressed in cowboy hats and long dresses. They are the modern day Thelma and Louise (as stated by the hand grab). It leaves the audience wanting more.

But then I get to thinking, where can Lady Gaga possibly take us next? She’s already killed her lover in Paparazzi and been sent to jail for it. Then she was released from the lesbian center by Honey B where they attempted and succeeded at their own huge homicide in the diner. Lady Gaga promises to “never come back which I can only hope means that she’ll lay off the killing like that in future music videos. Luckily, MTV didn't ban this video, unlike all of the rumors that had been spreading around about it.This video is a strange way to exert female power, but it works. I hope she can find another way soon because I do enjoy watching her videos … and dissecting them like a frog.

Va-jay-jay With Some Bling-BLANG

2010-03-02T15:26:00.000-08:00

Ever heard of Vajazzling? Well aren’t you in for a treat! So about a month ago, Jennifer Love Hewitt went on the George Lopez Show to promote her new book “The Day I Shot Cupid” because she is suddenly this great author (go figure). Anyways, while on the show, she described how after her break up she went to the spa and got her vagina bedazzled with – I kid you not – Swarovski Crystals.

Das right! Baby girl let out Victoria’s Secret and it’s covered in ice!

How does one do this, you may ask? Well, as it turns out, someone was sent to a spa where they specialize in such projects. The spa itself is called Completely Bare. The reporter fully described in an article with pictures and all what it was like to go through this bejeweled process.

Step one: Wax

Step two: Glue on crystals

Step three: Show off your disco ball bush!

What intrigued me was how the reporter said she would actually consider doing this on a possible regular basis if she had a man in her life. So it’s not good enough to trim it, wax it, keep it on the DL, but now we have to deck out our pubic region in sparkles? Um … well, I’m not too sure I’d like to have my vagina covered in expensive crystals that ultimately go down the drain or fall off in my underpants after five days. I’ll be like the modern day Gretel with a trail of glittering bread crumbs leading me back down the path I came … except instead of birds picking them up, bums will lash out at them on the side walk (“OH! SHINY!”)

Don't get me wrong, I’m a girl who likes her glitter and loves a bit of sparkle (ask any of my friends), but I’d honestly almost be afraid of doing this. Specifically, what if I’m having sex and the guy gets distracted? It’s hard enough to keep their attention as it is. Positive side; they’re awareness would be on me rather than themselves and their own pleasure … but by “me” I mean the jewels that are glued onto my skin in a decorative design. So ultimately, their interest is really on something I’ve used to “fix” myself, because let’s face it women are told to change everything from hair color to skin tone to the shape of their bust because they aren’t good enough according to society’s standards. And society's standards, I will remind you, are photoshopped, contorted, computerized, and all around fake so no one can ever live up to those expectations ... but at least you'll shine!

Still, it begs the question: how much further can women possibly go when it comes to decorating their “down there” area? We’ve covered dyes, shapes, piercing, going bald, and bling …. What’s going to be next?

We can only wait and see.

Stormy Weather Ahead

2010-03-02T10:25:00.000-08:00

I like to follow the news just as much as the next person if not more so. My twitter account is filled with mainly political pundits (left wing, I’m biased I know) and news accounts such NY Times. Well, something caught my attention when scanning the ol’ twit this morning. A headline from The Huffington Post titled “Louisiana Porn Star Expected To Announce Whether She Will Jump Into Senate Race”.

Um …. What?

Okay, so Vitter hasn’t been doing that great for Louisiana. He’s one of the many politicians involved in a sexual scandal. But is a porn star really that great of a replacement? Her profession alone causes some concern for me. Did she ever go to go college? What is her background in politics? Pretending to have sex with a political official in a movie? That does not a Senator make.

I watched a clip of an interview where the news anchor asked what her political stances were and she’s all about porn rights. Of course. Why would we expect anything more? She wants to have stronger restrictions on children being aloud to view adult pornography sites and she wants a crack down on child porn. I’m not saying that these things aren’t important, because they are, but coupled with Louisiana taxes … ? That’s your political platform Stormy? Ugh, her name alone reminds me of Hurricane Katrina which I don’t think can add much to her campaign.

So Louisiana might have to choose between a guy who was involved in a sex scandal and a woman who has sex on camera.

I hope for that state's sake someone else more qualified comes out of the woodwork, republican or democrat, I don't care. Just anyone else who has a better background than these two.

Good luck.

The Bachelor's Pedestal

2010-03-02T00:06:00.000-08:00

*Ahem*

Me: Hi my name is Nikki and I watch The Bachelor ….

Everyone else: Hi Nikki!

Okay, so I’m guilty as charged. I got strung along for this season’s finale (I blame you Heidi who I’m sure blames Shelby. The ashamed blame conga line just goes on forever.). There were a lot of people out there who watched it who were equally annoyed, pissed off, angered, “madder than hell and were not going to take it anymore” at the fact that the dumb pilot chose Vienna. I mean Jake … come on!

What really pissed me off throughout the whole episode was that he used a specific phrase, “pedestal”. He apparently put Tenley up on this pedestal the whole time he was seeing her. She was perfect. Except not. Because if she was perfect as he says she is, then there would have been that spark that he couldn’t even put into words. He apparently had this connection with Vienna who reminds me of an untrained puppy. She makes rude remarks, is very blunt, and sometimes doesn’t know when to filter things.

Then again she has flaws like a normal human being. She doesn't know how to dye her roots correctly and she doesn't know how to keep the PDA level with Jake down to a minimum of "gag me" on the vomit scale. However, I feel like since she’s so young, she couldn’t possibly know that she wants to get married so soon and to someone who is so much older than her. The age gap is what worries me most. But who knows, maybe Jake is emotionally 9 years younger than he seems to be.

Back to the pedestal issue. I feel like everyone does it. Everyone has someone in their life that they put up on this high stool and the moment there’s a flaw or a falter, that person can’t climb back up to the top. So instead of letting her fall, I felt like Jake decided to leave and take the easy way, the passionate way. He went with his dick feeling.

This again makes me wonder if we have been lead into a society where it's all about the men and the thing dangling between their legs. "Don't upset the penis!" as Charlotte from Sex and the City would say. Jake kept saying how "natural" it was between him and Vienna. Natural? That's your term for it? Because I call that a fat boner. This only seems to make it more apparent that mainstream media is expressing a certain image to women around the nation; blonde, big breasts, Barbie doll, bitch = sexy. Be the girl that every woman hates, but every man wants. Oooh, yeah, that's ideal. Because then when I get a man, I'll be able to talk about it with my girlfr- oh wait...I won't have any girlfriends.

I can’t say I haven’t placed people high up and then become disappointed when they didn’t meet my expectations. In fact I’m probably one of the worst people who does this. Jake seemed to have thought that he found his perfect someone, Tenley, and then he went with the high school romance that’s all physical and sparkling much like a prom queen's tiara before it's hanging on the lampshade of the hotel room. Their relationship seems childish and overall a train wreck waiting to happen. It's like when you have a little sister and she screams how much she’s in love with her boyfriend she’s only known for a month and you just shake your head saying, “You don’t know what love is.”

Well, let this couple have their romance. I won’t be watching for their wedding. I’ll be watching for their divorce. Cynical? Me? Never.

Job Market and Women

2010-01-22T16:05:00.000-08:00

Lately, I've been reading a lot about how the job market is benefiting women so well these days. But even with the countless coverage over this amazing "we did it!" moment, I can't help but wonder how the hell I'm supposed to not feel oppressed in the work world. I feel as though the only reason a woman of any ethnicity or stature can climb the proverbial ladder is because she gets paid less.

I'm a college student who has recently come to terms with the fact that I might not be going back to school this semester and thus I am filling out countless applications, making my resume look fabulously formal, and trying to decide if a dress with black tights is suitable for an interview (if I should ever get one). Should I flaunt the fact that I am a women studies major when going into interviews? It seems to turn people off the moment I utter the words.

For instance, at a Christmas dinner party just this past December, I was asked what exactly a women's studies major was and what I was hoping to accomplish. It was difficult to answer in a room with a decent ration of men and to women. I gracefully replied to these questions by saying, "I study feminist theory, women's history, read up on articles and interpret images in our current media and popular culture." I still got blank stares to this answer and I myself didn't even understand what I was saying. What I wanted to really say was that I study how women are so commonly discriminated against and how we are oppressed in our society, but I could feel the detest and dislike for my major from most of the men in the room. My own mother, as much as I love her, seems to not understand why I changed my course from theater arts to women's studies. It's a delicate subject for people to recognize. It's like when a person of color brings up our nation's history of racism and slavery; it makes for an awkward atmosphere.

So even with women's oppression on my brain at all times, should I mention my passion for women's studies and how I want to become successful by breaking glass ceilings that I thought I never could? Or is this too much for an employer to understand? Two things I've found taboo to talk about in our society: oppression (racism, sexism, and most 'isms) and sex (although we flaunt it at every chance we get). Both subjects are ones that I have worked with intensely this past semester and I have put on my applications and resume. It's awfully hard to not discuss these two large concepts when they affect me so much.

Another thought and my final one for this post; maybe instead of just fretting about how I'm going to make these subjects sugar-coated enough for the average person to handle, I should flaunt it modestly and show how its made me into a more confident person. After all, confidence is the best make-up one can wear to an interview these days and especially with the economy in the toilet still.

Vibrators

2009-11-16T10:57:00.000-08:00

Today in my Gender and Communications class we had to turn in a paper on vibrators and the history of them. It sucks that there isn't as much in depth history about women as there are about men, but I was surprised and shocked at the evidence that I discovered when searching for a youtube clip. I didn't know the exact prompt of the essay because I accidentally missed class (damn furloughs are screwing me up) and I didn't get a chance to see the actual video that we watched.

But when writing the essay I discovered something that can't be taught or shown really in a video; shame and embarrassment. I began wondering what it would be like for other girls in my class who weren't as open as I am, who didn't know how to handle the term "vibrator" being repeated in their papers and be the bold title that everyone around them can see. I'm not ashamed, I'm actually proud to have written about the history of something that is so taboo in our country.

Advertising for vibrators back in the lat 1800s, early 1900s was normal in nationally spread magazines, but this was only because it was a cure of sorts. Women who had hysteria, a sort of disease, were informed of the sexual release of vibrators (not explicitly) and went to their doctors for a ten minute session to feel relief. We now know that vibrators aren't exactly a cure all for hysteria and even the idea of female hysteria was because women weren't orgasming during sex. To have an orgasm during sex (which in this case is defined as penile penetration into a vagina and strictly so back then) is so difficult for a woman. Thanks to the grand ol' enlightenment period, they discovered that women didn't have to have an orgasm to conceive a child. So now it's all about the men and their orgasm since it will ultimately lead to creating a child... fucking enlightenment period ... I have so many reservations against that time. It's also when women were considered to be the sexual morale compass, an ideology we hold in today's society.

But I digress in my own personal anger. Back onto the subject of vibrators -- it's completely ingrained in our social ideologies that a woman shouldn't be sexually expressive, thus there are no advertisements for vibrators in national magazines. Conservative family groups would be up in arms at the mere thought of it, yet we can show Dolce and Gabbana ads that have a woman on the ground, surrounded by men, looking like she's about to be or already has been gang raped (thanks rape culture!!).

Personally, I'd much rather see advertisements about sexual liberation than sexual confinement, but that would take some time, some hefty lobbying, and a huge social change within our culture. It's all about control in our society and when it comes to sexual control, it is usually illustrated that it is the woman who needs to be constrained, caged, and -- heaven forbid -- not have a penis at her disposal and a fake one at that. It makes men obsolete. We have enough sperm banks to tie us over for years to come (no pun intended), enough children in the world who need homes to create a bunch of wonderful, loving households, and now we can even get pleasure from an artificial creation or even from ourselves and our glorious clitoris that isn't talked about as much as it should be.

Vibrators ... the end of mankind as we know it?

Feminist Card Game

2009-11-08T12:10:00.000-08:00

Being out sick for almost a whole week made me reflect on my idea of feminism and what it means to me. I'm reading books to nod to, to get a better history of women and the movements they started. I'm reading article after article in hopes to soak up what's going on in the world and relate back to my feminist values.

It's tiring, overwhelming and makes my head explode at time.

But I don't think I'll ever change now. Thanks to all of this reading, this enlightenment, etc, I can't look at anything without a feminist lens. Everything can be skewed in a certain lens such as feminism (even the movement itself has been analyzed time after time by myself and fellow colleagues).

Where exactly am I going with this post? Well when I was bed ridden and could only concentrate on movies I watched a film that made me wonder about women in today's society. I watched The September Issue about Anna Wintour and the Vogue empire she has created. The movie opened my eyes a bit more to the trials and tribulations of creating a magazine. It's lavish, it's expensive, it's manipulative, it's catty, its romantic, and it's all run by woman. Granted, most of the designers are men creating garments and frocks that women should wear and it just keeps us in small little bubbles. But everything is decided by this one woman. She has full control over what is in and what is out. Its an interesting concept and it got me thinking if I could believe in designer clothing and fashion if it was practically run by a woman of such high power. I decided finally that, yes, I can be into high fashion, wear heels, have great make-up and wear dresses if I choose to; I will manipulate the system to work for my benefit. If I need to wear a pair of high heels, a blouse, and tight fitting high waist skirt in order to show myself off as being all powerful or get that job that I want, then I'll do it. Its a contradiction, but its a way to get this all too encompassing world to work for me.

I think just keeping in my head when I go shopping that these styles and trends are developed by a single omnipresent woman (and also there's a lot of in put from chic, fabulous black man who can't be seen without a pair of sunglasses and a Louis Vuitton emblem somewhere in his grasp). I know that this turns me into a mannequin, but if people have to see my body and judge me for what I wear first before they judge my mind, I will make the best first impression I possibly can.

It's all about playing with the cards you were dealt with.

Words, words, words

2009-10-28T16:10:00.000-07:00

“Bye stalker!” said a girl leaving the common grounds today, a broad smile on her face and flirtatious glint her eye as she waved goodbye to the guy sitting down. He laughed a bit and returned the wave.

Such a casual exchange between two college students and yet so much more lies beneath it. We have created such a comfortable culture with words. To call someone a stalker used to be something frightening and now it's almost laughable and a joke. To call a girl a slut used to be something shameful, abhorred. Now it's a way to greet a friend at the door, “Hey slut!” with a huge smile cracking one's face wide open.

I'm not saying that we should take words completely seriously. I mean then we would all be extremely on edge, walking on eggshells for fear of saying something wrong. But words are a powerful thing in our culture. Just writing this right now I can feel myself trying to discover who I am inside in order to get my point across.

When I saw Nikki Giovanni on Friday night last week, she said something that stuck with me, “English will heal us.” She was talking about people who are sentenced to psychiatrists, about soldiers who come back from war, women who are distraught in their lives, men who are wrestling with how to express their emotions. Our world is stressful and through art, through English, through self-expression we can begin to heal. I like that I'm able to examine the world we live in through words. It makes me feel more whole.

Because of all of the above, I've been able to analyze what comes out of my mouth. I try not to say, “You guys”, I try not to say “dude” as much, I am trying to say she or he more, but this all just me personally. Words can be offensive, can hurt, can make someone laugh, can create connections. That's what they do; create.

So when someone says, “Hey stalker” or “What's up bitch?” it's creating a culture that's okay for men and women to separate each other. It can also reinforce the patriarchal society we live in.

From Arabian Nights:

Harun: What makes kings?
Sympathy: Words.
Harun: What makes the world?
Sympathy: Words.
Harun: What can destroy an empire?
Sympathy: Words.

Words, words, words. Carefully chosen, wonderfully expressed, and divinely used.

Credit to Anne Taintor image above

You Know It's Hard Our Here for a … Prostitute

2009-10-27T15:06:00.000-07:00

And here I thought that prostitution only pertained to older women and young women in other countries or really distraught areas in our own country. The New York Times posted an article on run aways and specifically on children who are selling their bodies as a form of a commodity. Women have such a hard time not viewing their bodies as objects themselves in our society. I mean look at the advertising industry and the way they display women on a daily basis. A woman is a manikin to the clothing industry, she is an incubator for the growing population, she is the care giver and servant in general to men.

So really its no wonder that these runaways are selling themselves; how else are they to make a wage? They need to give into the male gaze and practically “work with what they got” so to speak. But what does this say about this women in our country? Are they nothing more than just a vagina that is supposed to be used in order to get ahead or even just survive in our society? It makes women prisoners to their own bodies. We can't own them ourselves. We can't even be seen to have respect or intelligence. We're seen as bodies first, mind second in most cases (if not all). This can be traced back to the bible when Adam and Eve bit into that damn apple and suddenly realized they were naked. Oops! And thus we're stuck with Eve's curse, aka menstrual period, aka being on the rag, aka riding the crimson wave or as more widely known, “that time of the month”. This once a month bleeding does in fact hinder us from time to time, but in other countries it holds women back for up to a week (if not more). How bodies are traps, are open wounds, and an entertainment hole.

Getting back to the issue of prostitution; how can we help eradicate this dilemma? It's legal in Nevada already through licensed brothels and in Rhode Island the act of sex for money isn't considered illegal, but being pimped and being part of a brothel is – it's a huge distinction, no? Yeah … right. It just shows how much a woman's body is really respected. Of course I'm not saying that there aren't guys out there who aren't selling their bodies for money, but when the term prostitute comes to mind, one doesn't think of a well dressed man, standing on the corner waiting for a high class woman to pick him up.

Pimps. It ain't so hard out there for them. Such a highly revered term in our society. “What a pimp!” or “That house be pimpin!” or “Pimp my ride dawg!” In the article, the pimps act as though they're helping the young girl out. One was quoted saying, “With the young girls, you promise them heaven, they’ll follow you to hell...It all depends on her being so love-drunk off of me that she will do anything for me.” She will do anything for you? Love is a lure for them. It makes women more attached to the men. One girl that was interviewed said that she her boyfriend had turned into her pimp and sold her body to other men. A pimp who was interviewed who had been serving the last 40 years in prison for sex trafficking was quoted as saying, “Seems more despicable to me to give something so valuable away as opposed to selling it.” So a woman's body is seemed as something valuable, something that should be sold. Great, lemme just go get my check book and you can fill in the numbers. How much is a woman worth?

What we have developed in our society is for women to reliant on men. Prostitution is the simplest form of such an act and we have branched out from there making it more convoluted. But we need to garner respect for ourselves before we can expect anyone else to respect us. Thus, we need to stop being complicit. Takes a lot though. What does being complicit entail? If we wear make-up are we falling into the patriarchal trap? If we wan to “look cute”, are we trivializing ourselves? The answers to these questions are different for each individual and are based on education, inner feelings and emotions, and a resistance to how the outside world is likely to react.

Credit to Anne Taintor image above

Ovaries Conflict My Brain

2009-10-26T17:10:00.000-07:00

Written earlier this morning on Facebook

At times like these (that time of the month) I tend to develop a huge hatred for my ovaries. The first day of cramps reminds me that this is a test for contractions and gives me more reason to not want to birth any children of my own. I've been tossing and turning for over 4 hours now, trying to get into that deep sleep where pain seems to magically disappear, but I wake up every 20 minutes or so, discovering a new twinge of agony jabbing in lower abdomen and lower back which I have now deemed The Belt-O-Cramps.

I've been thinking about getting my tubes tied. I don't mean this in a joking way either, I'm completely serious. I want to strictly adopt on my own once I become financially stable and have a steady enough job to support myself and a child (I will test the job in the first few years by getting a kitten and then go through the lengthy, overwhelming process of adopting ... or so I have concluded thus far).

However, upon even just thinking of the possibility of tying thy tubes it makes me think about all of the women out there who can't naturally produce like I might be able to ( I haven't tested whether I can have a kid and I'd like to keep it that way through my college and possible grad years). Thanks to taking all of these women's studies classes, I have had my mind open to certain privileges that I hold and the right and natural ability to have a child if I wish to is one of them. Women are constantly reminded through the monthly cycle that they can bear children and its an idea that does conflict many of them. Some find that their once a month menstruation is Christmas (thanks Jaime) and some find it a curse for the child that they may want.

I'm conflicted with this topic, but in the end I have to do what I want and what is best for my situation. I am only 21 years old; I don't have to decided on what to do with my body just yet nor do I have the funds to do so. For now I will be bitter that 5 am is slowly approaching and ticking closer and my cramps still haven't subsided. I think my ovaries are reflecting my inner anger at the idea of how uncomfortable I find my body at this moment; it's a vicious cycle (pun completely intended). I sometimes say that its moments like this that make me hate being a woman, but I think I've come to terms with the fact that it makes me endure pain I otherwise wouldn't encounter. It makes me stronger, makes me work though it whether its riding to school for class, typing a note on facebook, or reading Masterpieces by Sarah Daniels.

Ovaries: a dichotomy in itself inside me.

Credit to Anne Taintor image above